Gemma Arterton. Andrew Garfield. Tom Hardy. Aaron Johnson. Emma Stone. Yes, this year's BAFTA Orange Wednesdays Rising Star Award candidates are all rising and/or mostly risen.

Director: Tony Goldwyn
Cast: Hilary Swank, Sam Rockwell, Minnie Driver
Certificate: 12A
Trailer

Whenever someone lands on Go To Jail, you can always count on a relative to do something crazy like grab a gun and shoot up a courthouse. But the most dramatic way to bust your brother from behind bars? Devote decades to studying for a law degree and then becoming his defence attorney. It's all completely true - Conviction's story is based on real life. Which naturally makes it feel even more false.

Which one's water and which one's the elephant?

While Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon argue amongst themselves, here's a little about the plot: it involves two people who "come together through their compassion for a special elephant". It's set in a circus, before you get any ideas. Perverts.

Jacob is apparently a veterinary student, not that you see him do any veterinarianing. And Marlena? Well, she's a performer in a circus. Which basically involves her doing stuff with elephants in front of a paying audience. Perverts.

It's easy to mock their love, especially when the statistical majority of human-elephant relationships end in crushing disappointment. But against all the odds (that's a direct quote from the official synopsis), they find life-long love. That is, until Christoph Waltz - Marlena's dangerous husband - tries to kill Robert Pattinson with a hammer. That particular highlight is at 1 min 19 seconds.

Sunday 9th January. The birthday of the most powerful man/head-in-a-jar in the known universe: Richard M. Nixon. If he were alive today (and we all know that he is), he would be 98 years old. That's twice as old as Alfonso Cuaron.

To celebrate this wonderful anniversary, here's a commemorative card to cut out and give to your closest Republican friends:

Have a great day. And remember: when the President does it, it's not illegal.

The excellent Edgar Ramirez is in talks for cinema-goers to feel the Wrath of his Titan. Which could be a nice new name for his penis after Little Carlos kept popping out in Olivier Assayas' five hour epic.

Toby Kebbell and Bill Nighy are also being linked to Jonathan Liebesman's sequel. I don't know what they call their manly parts. But I bet Liam Neeson's Mighty Zeus is bigger.

If you want to see more of Little Carlos, the DVD is still available in shops.

So yeah, this happened.

The 2011 Total Film Movie Blog Awards (their Cheese Blog Awards are next month) are here and i-Flicks is nominated for Best Overall Blog. Thanks to whoever nominated us for that. But screw your thanks, because you'll only earn REAL thanks when you go there and vote for i-Flicks to win. Or you can vote for one of the other 19 nominees because they're better and stuff (note: please don't).

In the spirit of democratic elections, I hereby offer some campaign pledges that I will never have to fulfill:

1. I will never raise tuition fees.

2. When no-one votes for us, I won't go and bring in Ed Milliband to write film reviews. Or I will. AND THEN YOU'LL SUFFER.

The deadline's Thursday 27th January, so whatever you do, try to do something before then. Like vote. Or just change your Facebook profile picture to this:

Come on, people! Believe in i-Flicks. Or at least believe that one day Total Film will do the Cheese Blog Awards instead. In which case you should all vote for CurdNerds - just because they actually exist.

Director: Dominic Sena
Cast: Nicolas Cage, Ron Perlman, Claire Foy, Stephen Campbell Moore, Robert Sheehan
Certificate: 15

Death, plague, Nicolas Cage - only one thing can unite such an unholy trilogy. Could it be... witchcraft? Dominic Sena's plumping for a big fat yes with his ridiculous title. Even more ridiculous is the film itself, which is as dumb as it is grimy. It's grumb. Or dimy.