Director: Joel Hopkins
Cast: Dustin Hoffman, Emma Thompson
Certificate: 12A
There's an unspoken rule in cinema, that as soon as two people narrowly miss each other (usually when getting in or out of a cab), they are destined to be soul mates. Not friends, or acquaintances; full-blown lovers. When these two people are played by Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson, it's clear they'll be getting off with each other very soon. By the time the taxi turns up, it's destiny.
Director: McG
Cast: Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Anton Yelchin, Bryce Dallas Howard
Certificate: 12A
Trailers/Clips
“Come with me if you want to live”, says an under-age resistance-wannabe to a complete stranger. It’s nice to know that, even as a teenager, Kyle Reese (Yelchin) was still using that pick-up line. But we can forgive him that: he is, after all, the father of John Connor (Bale). John Connor, the self-prophesied saviour of mankind in our apocalyptic rage against the machines. The man who, in 2018, is still yet to take up his post as leader of the human race. The gravel-voiced hero who loves shooting things. And sometimes sounds a bit like Batman.
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Girls, do not watch this on your own - you may faint. Yes, Robert Pattinson is back as the perfect Edward Cullen. And rival Jake reveals his true colours. Along with his now-butch upper body. Not long till November... It's out on the 27th.
It took a lot of legal wrangling, but the RSC finally saw sense, with David Tennant's Hamlet to be forever caught on film. Thousands of fans, disappointed to miss out on his performance, faced the prospect of trying to hunt down one of the various UK video archives of significant productions. Now, they can relax in their living rooms and watch it on BBC2 later this year.
Alongside the late Doctor Who will be the wonderful Patrick Stewart, reprising his role as Claudius (and the ghost) in the recorded 3-hour version of Shakespeare's classic. If you can't wait until its broadcast, you can catch Captain Picard on stellar form in Waiting for Godot, co-starring with Ian McKellen. Or, if you're a die-hard Dr Who fan, then you can direct your fanaticism towards Matt Smith's new assistant... Back on topic, filming of Hamlet begins in June.
The maestro of messy horror, Sam Raimi, talks about his return to the genre that made his name with his latest, Drag Me To Hell. A gross, hilarious and terrifying ride, it tells of Christine Brown (Alison Lohman), a loans officer whose life becomes a living hell when she's placed under an evil curse by a gypsy (who else?) and has three days before her soul is dragged down to the fiery depths. It's a long time since 1981's Evil Dead, so what's with the sharp turn from Spidey? Sam spills the beans.
Why did you decide to return to the horror genre?
Freedom. That was one of the main reasons. On this picture I could have complete creative control and final cut, which I actually had for the first time since my first film, The Evil Dead. I could just do what I believed in.
Every now and then, an inspired idea comes along that is absolutely original, brilliant and genuinely exciting.
This is not one of them.
Ridley Scott's Alien - one of the greatest sci-fi film's ever made - is 30 years old this year. Many happy returns. Box office returns, that is, because Fox are planning the ultimate celebration in Alien's honour. They're going to defecate all over it. By doing a remake.
Ok, so Ridley Scott is attached as producer (as is brother Tony). But Alien was a near-perfect film, made perfect in its Director's Cut. Why bother remaking or rebooting any of it? The rumours came from over at Bloody Disgusting, where whispers are that the movie, directed by Carl Erik Rinsch, might actually be an origins story instead.
The backstory of the most feared extra-terrestrial beings of all time? How they crash-landed on planet LV-426, just as their parents were gunned down by The Joker in front of their eyes, before being bitten by a radioactive xenomorph-toad? That'll add to the scariness, for sure. Ignoring that Fox are doing the same with Robert Rodriguez and Predator, this is frankly terrible news. I'm off to go spit some acid in someone's face. Preferably someone who works for Fox.
Director: Renny Harlin
Cast: Michael Cena, Aidan Gillen, Ashley Scott
Certificate: 12A
Trailer
Poor old Danny Fisher (Cena). Not only has his wife been kidnapped by an escaped convict, but he's got to complete 12 Herculean tasks to get her back alive. If only he wasn't such a nice, honest guy. If only he hadn't chased down Miles Jackson (Gillen), inadvertently leading to the death of Miles' girlfriend. If only Miles wasn't so crazy and hellbent on revenge. If only Molly (Scott) was home safely, wrapped in Danny's butch arms. That's a lot of of 'if's for one man's head. Which would explain why he constantly looks confused, like a dazed rabbit in the headlights of a minibus filled with war veterans.
What with all the web-slinging, people sometimes forget just who Sam Raimi is - or was. He directed, of course, the Evil Dead (and, indeed, Evil Dead II), genre-shaking low-budget messy movies, with a unique taste for humorous horror. But as Spiderman 3 lolloped its way into cinemas, even the die hard Raimites couldn't help but wonder: had he forgotten too? This is Raimi's resounding answer: hell, no.
Well, it's over. The 62nd Cannes Film Festival has ended. Not that I'm in the least bit bitter. Were you there? No, neither was I - or any of the other writers. But we can still wallow together and look over the winners of Cannes' top awards, dreaming of croissants on the Croisette. The prestigious Palme D'Or went, unsurprisingly, to Michael Haneke for White Ribbon - a stark, monochrome tale of children in a German village in the lead-up to World War I.
I say unsurprisingly, because Tarantino didn't stand a chance (mixed reviews abound for his WWII epic, Inglourious Basterds), Lars von Trier's was a bit too controversial, and the jury this year was led by Isabelle Huppert, winner of Best Actress for Haneke's The Piano Teacher. But with muddled responses to many of the more anticipated movies, White Ribbon garnered positive nods all round, despite its harsh content.
Upon winning, Haneke said: "I feel good. Naturally. The Palme d'Or is the best prize a filmmaker can win. I am very happy. There are always rumors at the Festival, and one must not take them seriously."
Director: Jon Wright
Cast: Alex Pettyfer, Tuppence Middleton, Calvin Dean, Dimitri Leonidas
Certificate: 15
As anyone who's ever slipped on the TV remote and switched to Skins by accident knows, it's quite common to then sit there wishing death upon its annoying cast. Well, Tormented does just that: bump off every last short-skirted, pimple-popping one of them. Well, the nasty ones anyway.
Director: Shawn Levy
Cast: Ben Stiller, Amy Adams, Hank Azaria, Owen Wilson, Robin Williams, Steve Coogan
Certificate: PG
Trailer
Does bigger mean better? Money-wise, maybe, but what if we’re talking giant spiders with mandibles the size of a Vauxhall Zafira? Gigantic arachnids really aren’t better. Unless you’re an oversized wasp. The point is that Night at the Museum 2 is exactly that: bigger, but not better.
Every now and then, an inspired idea comes along that is absolutely original, brilliant and genuinely exciting.
