With blue-teethed monsters running rampant round South London council estates, now seems like a good time for a quick rundown of some basic alien invasion survival techniques as taught by the movies.

In the event that aliens do start attacking your block, follow these simple steps to stay alive. Particularly the one about Pierce Brosnan.

 

 

 

Attack the Block is out in cinemas tomorrow. Head this way to read a rather lovely Attack the Block review.

 

Previous pieces of Photoshoppy fun (including Christian Bale Punching People) can be found over here.  

 

Director: David Gordon Green
Cast: James Franco, Danny McBride, Natalie Portman, Zooey Deschanel, Toby Jones, Justin Theroux
Certificate: 15

"I'm here to steal a virgin." "How do you plan to do that?" "Magic. Motherfucker." If you've ever watched The Princess Bride and wanted Westley's "As you wish" to be replaced by "farts, boobies, butt-cracks"then Your Highness is for you. You're also probably 15 years old.

Battle: Los Angeles stormed the UK Box Office this weekend with an opening of £1.79m. That’s just ahead of Rango, which took £1.54m in its second week.

Jonathan Liebesman’s crap alien invasion didn’t light up the UK as it did the US ($36m across the pond should have led to £3.6m here), but Aaron Eckhart’s chin stuck out just far enough to hold off Nickelodeon’s Sergio Chameleone – and that’s no mean feat, given that the gun-toting lizard dropped a microscopic 6.02%. That’s a difference of just £98k from its £1.64m opening, proving that people are still enjoying Rango outside of half term.

The week’s other victory belonged to Unknown, as Liam Neeson leapfrogged Matt Damon into third place. Neeson’s amnesiac revenge thriller had the higher screen average last week and continues to pack in the punters, even though The Adjustment Bureau holds around 100 more screens. So while Damon dropped a typical 35%, Neeson shaved off only 23%. Bourne meets Aslan. Aslan wins.

After staying up to silly o'clock to watch Matt Smith's boring uncle (Tom Hooper) beat David Fincher at the Oscars, it's no wonder you're in a bad mood. Especially if you're an Arsenal fan. But relief is here in the form of new pictures from Joe Cornish's Attack the Block - they're so good they'll basically cure any Oscar hangover within seconds.

Partially inspired by Joe Cornish's own carjacking, as well as general sci-fi-ness, Attack the Block is a curious project, which boasts the talents of Nick Frost and Luke Treadaway alongside a bunch of unknown newcomers and pretty much combines Adulthood with Signs. Or something to that effect. And Basement Jaxx are doing the soundtrack.

The official synopsis is as follows, although frankly they could just replace it with "Once upon a time there was a man called Joe Cornish and he was awesome the end":

Attack the Block is a fast, funny, frightening action adventure movie that pits a teen gang against an invasion of savage alien monsters. It turns a London housing estate into a sci-fi playground. A tower block into a fortress under siege. And teenage street kids into heroes. It’s inner city versus outer space.

Oscar hangover gone yet? Try reading on to see all three images. That should do it. For more thorough pain relief, head over to the movie's official Facebook page. Friday 13th May has never felt so far away.

Paul invaded the UK box office this weekend with £5.52m, the highest opening of 2011 to date. But the surprise of the week was Justin Bieber hitting rock bottom: Never Say Never 3D took just £820,592. The Beliebers won't be able to, erm, Belieb it.

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost taking top spot was expected, of course, given that the film landed in cinemas on Monday. While £5.52m is technically a record-breaking figure, it had four days of previews to rack up that total.

Compare it to, say, the superior Hot Fuzz, which got £5.92m on its opening weekend with just Wednesday and Thursday previews and you get a better picture. Paul took around £3.2m over the weekend alone - a way behind Tangled's debut of £5.11m in three days. But with a lot of negative reviews (and without Edgar Wright or 3D), Universal will be pleased to label their sci-fi a smash hit.

Gnomeo and Juliet stole the UK box office crown this week, keeping The King's Speech in a solid second place with £1.98m following its BAFTA victory.

It's a convincing win for Gnomeo and Juliet, which sits pretty at the top with a £2.95m debut. Not bad, given The King's Speech is still holding the most screens in the UK (543), but impressive with two other 3D animated kids movies out in force.

Yogi Bear put £1.82m into its pic-a-nic basket of soul-destroying naffness - again, a strong start given the competition, placing it in fifth place, £120k below Tangled. Disney’s fairytale has the fewest screens out of the three CGI contenders, but has now amassed a three-week total of just over £13m.

Fourth place went to True Grit, the Coens' remake, which performed astonishingly well in the US. It managed £1.82m from 372182000 screens, putting it shoulder to shoulder with Yogi Bear but without the 3D uplift. An average of over £4,000 per screen is pretty good for Paramount's Western, especially given the awards love going round to everyone else at the moment.

Black Swan and The Fighter also both posted takings of over £1m, lining up at number seven and eight respectively. That’s eight out of the UK Top Ten all taking over £1m at the box office. Eight. This never happens. Literally - it's never happened before. The BAFTAs are to blame for this box office silliness. As people flock to see the major nominees, money is flying into cinema cash registers.

It's sad to see The Fighter drop 50% to take £1.2m - compared to Black Swan's more typical 38% dip - but with so many movies out this week and the existing releases performing so well, there are only so many screens to go round. Black Swan's been out twice as long as The Fighter, but its £12m total gross is triple that of the boxing drama, which says a lot for its wider appeal. It's also showing in 100 more screens.

Perhaps the week’s most intriguing release was Never Let Me Go - demonstrating what happens during awards season if you don't get the nominations you wanted. It took just £625k from 265 screens.

A good comparison is last month's Conviction, which also had no BAFTA nominations. That took £279k from a similar spread of cinema screens, so it's not a terrible result given the heavyweight box office rivals. But a lack of nominations (and a low marketing push compared to Fox Searchlight's other movie, Black Swan) has left Mark Romanek's brilliant romance at the wrong end of the release schedule. Here's hoping Keira Knightley staring at people on the London Underground will help it stay afloat for one more week.

Just like the BAFTAs, the box office spotlight is still shining firmly on Colin Firth. £1.98m is less than we're used to seeing for Tom Hooper's drama, but it's been out for six weeks now. Six. By rights, it shouldn't be anywhere near the £2m mark. It's running total is now up to £33.7m, which makes it the 44th highest grossing movie in the UK of all time. And that's before it gets a kick from its Best Film triumph on Sunday - we're way past Slumdog Millionaire now, but that increased by £300k immediately following its BAFTA for Best Film, reversing a 32% drop from the previous week.

Paul tries to jump the royal shark by hopping into cinemas on Monday this week, so it should secure a top spot at the box office next week after 4 days of previews. But expect The King's Speech to stick around - just below Justin Bieber and Big Momma, who are both bringing their booty into play. And as half-term approaches, prepare for Yogi, Gnomeo and Rapunzel to squabble among themselves to see who can attract the most children. 

 

Director: Greg Mottola
Cast: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Seth Rogen, Jason Bateman, Kristen Wiig, Joe Lo Truglio, Bill Hader Sigourney Weaver
Certificate: 15
Trailer

Remember Galaxy Quest? Now there was a sci-fi comedy with a decent range of fanboy nods and a strong run of laughs. Paul is like that, but without the second bit. That’s not to say Simon Pegg and Nick Frost have lost their likeable charm or sense of humour. They’ve just used those to prop up a lazy script. It’s fun – and occasionally funny – but it’s easy stuff for the duo that feels more scattershot than special.

When it comes to amusing interviews, you can't beat a bit of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. If you put them together in a press conference with Kristen Wiig, Sigourney Weaver, Joe Lo Tuglio, Jason Bateman and director Greg Mottola, you've got the greatest roomful of funny people since the film Paul. Which, by an coincidence, is exactly what they were there to talk about.

Comprising of Arrested Development actors, sci-fi geeks, Adventureland directors and movie legends, the ensemble spent a lot of time throwing around entertaining in-jokes. Here's what they had to say about aliens, Christians, and Steven Spielberg...

After the rather vague Paul teaser trailer lived up to its name (teaser - not Paul), we get a full-on look at Simon Pegg and Nick Frost's alien comedy. And, as if anyone were expecting otherwise, it looks hilarious.

Seth Rogen's voice is a good fit (after a few moments of adjusting) and E.T swiftly starts talking weed and showing off his balls. And then Kristen Wiig turns up as the token female. And then, just in case things couldn't get any better, Jason Bateman goes all X-Files and begins running about with a gun and a suit.

I was excited about Peggy and Frosty teaming up on screen again (especially with Adventureland's Greg Mottola), but who knew a tale of two geeks on a road trip to Area 51 with a foul-mouthed alien hitchhiker could be so entertaining? That's obviously a retarded question.

Paul is out on Monday 14th February. Read on for the new video. Unless, you know, you DON'T want to see green alien testicles for some reason.

 

After long months of waiting, Peggy and Frosty fans can be happy to see the teaser trailer for Paul. And when they say teaser, they mean teaser - it doesn't show you much.

A sci-fi comedy about an alien (called Paul) who gatecrashes a road trip across America by two British geeks. That's about all you're getting from this video, apart from a few lines from Seth Rogen's foul-mouthed E.T.

The rest is just namedrops, although they are pretty impressive names: Greg Mottola (of Adventureland fame) at the helm, Jason Bateman and Sigourney Weaver in the supporting cast, and a bit of Kristen Wiig to boot.

This could be amazing. It's certainly a bit more promising than Burke & Hare. But it's also a complete cypher. Paul will be unveiled properly next February. Read on for the video.