The first poster for The Dark Knight Rises has turned up online. And yes, it looks like this:

 

 

 

It arrives in the week that the first Dark Knight Rises teaser trailer is expected to accompany Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 in US cinemas. If those 93 seconds of video are half as good as this, I'll be happy.

It's even better than our exclusive on-set Dark Knight Rises photos, which included a picture of Gotham's discounted pork sausages. I'll be honest: I didn't think any photo could top that.

All this, and Anne Hathaway as Catwoman and Tom Hardy as Bane? Oh yes, my Dark Knight is rising...

 

The rather exciting new character videos for X-Men: First Class are the first major clue as to what the marketing department have been spending their budget on.

Marketing budgets are always a closely kept secret, but Marvel have loads of money. Thor's UK box office debut was good and Iron Man 2 took in a scary amount last year. And don't forget that the X-Men franchise has taken around $1.5 billion in total (X2, X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine all took over $300 million each worldwide).

So there should be some spare cash to throw at Matthew Vaughn's mutant prequel. But at times, the X-Men: First Class promotional materials have been downright dodgy. Here's where the money went:

 

Rubbish Banner

 

So cheap everyone thought it was fake. Possibly Photoshop. More likely a 12 year old with scissors and glue.

Pritt Stick £2

 

 

In a wonderful "screw you, Cannes" moment, the world discovered last night that Terrence Malick's Tree of Life would be getting released in the UK on Friday 4th May. Yes, that's May this year (not 2012) BEFORE Cannes happens. Which was brilliant news.

Then it turned out that it probably wasn't true at all - and Empire got it wrong. Well done, Empire.

Fortunately, there's still a beautiful new poster over at IMDb to cheer us all up.

An epic mind-fuck of crazy proportions, Tree of Life could be one of Malick's best - or it could turn it to be The Fountain. It's hard to see which at the moment, but the official synopsis says that it's a tale about an 11 year old called Jack, who lives in the Midwest and sees wonder in the world around him as he grows up. "It ends in hope, acknowledging the beauty and joy in all things, in the everyday and above all in the family..."

Anyway, moving on from the message of "unselfish love", here are the awesome facts that the Tree of Life poster tell us about the film. Which will still premiere at Cannes. Dammit.

 

1. IT HAS DINOSAURS

Dinosaurs are awesome. Fact. Which either sets Tree of Life up as an existential sequel to Jurassic Park, or as something approaching  The Kids Are All Right / You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger / Never Let Me Go but with added dinosaurs. And we can all agree that those near-identical posters could have done with a sprinkling of dinosaur goodness.

 

2. IT HAS SEAN PENN

Not to be confused with a dinosaur, Sean Penn is obviously the best thing about the whole thing. Just ask Sean Penn - he'll confirm that.

 

3. IT HAS TREES

Oh yes, Tree of Life has trees. It has trees all over it. Its life is fricking made of trees. In fact, it's probably the best movie about trees since The Happening. It might even be better than The Happening. Imagine that.

 

4. IT HAS PRETTY PICTURES

Well, duh. That's like saying a Michael Bay film has explosions. But with astronomical and microbial imagery promised by Mr Visual Effects Supervisor, Dan Glass, these will be awesome pretty pictures the likes of which have never been seen before. Apart from in all those other Terrence Malick films where there were loads of pretty pictures. Quel surprise.

 

5. HA HA, CANNES (OR NOT)

Let's all point and laugh at Cannes together, just for the fun of it. Oh no, wait, it turns out that actually that's a picture of Cannes pointing and laughing at us after all. Sad face.

 

For those wondering, read on to see what the full poster looks like:

The new poster for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 has turned up online on the official Facebook page - and you can tell Warner Bros mean business.

Building up for the final showdown between The Boy Who Lived and He Who Shall Not Be Named, it's The Fight What People Have Waited For. Which explains why the Potter studio have tried to echo the poster for the greatest battle in cinema's history.

 

 

In a bold move, there's not even a title on the blood-splattered poster, so it could well be the start of a campaign for Bride Wars 2: Electric Boogaloo. Oh yes, I'm excited.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 will bring about total world destruction on Friday 15th July - not at 7:15pm, as previously advertised.

 

Let's be honest: character banners are character banners.

But every now and then a character banner for Blackbeard's (Ian McShane) daughter comes along that looks like this:

 

According to her official description, she can lie, wield a sword and "fight and plunder" her arse off. But the most important thing is this: If you touch Lovejoy's daughter, LOVEJOY WILL LOOK FOR YOU, LOVEJOY WILL FIND YOU AND LOVEJOY WILL KILL YOU.

 

They did the rounds earlier this week, but the first two posters for X-Men: First Class have now officially popped up in my inbox, and they reveal some interesting new details about the past lives of Professor X and Magneto. Not that they were called Charles and Erik - those names stayed the same no matter how shiny Magneto's helmet got. In fact, they used their first names throughout the rest of the X-Men films.

But there are other facts that we don't know about these mutants, and Matthew Vaughn's prequel may finally give us their full backstory...

 

For more prequel awesomeness (without the Jesus stunts or bed wetting), check out the X-Men: First Class trailer. Charles and Erik will be showing off their failed plumbing skills in cinemas on Friday 2nd June.

 

For those unfortunate enough to follow me on Twitter, you'll be aware my weekend culminated in a visit from my nephew, who, in the short time he was in the house, somehow managed to go upstairs and wet my bed. Now I know why: he was probably excited about this...

 

Can you really blame him for wetting the bed? (YES I CAN.) Let's face it: any film that groups together Noel Fielding, Richard E. Grant, Anjelica Huston, Jo Brand and Prunella Scales can't be all bad. The line-up's almost as good as St. Trinian's 2.

Based on the best-selling kids books, Horrid Henry: The Movie is out this summer. Head this way to see our Horrid Henry review - or read on to check out the teaser poster (just make sure any children near you are wearing nappies first).

Yeah, we all know that banner from the other day was leaked/not leaked/official/unofficial/completely naff, but Fox have responded by going right ahead with the release of the first official photos of X-Men: First Class. And they're a lot more reassuring to look at, especially in terms of the period costumes.

Here's a little taster. Hands up if you don't wet yourself.

 

 

Read on for the other images and the rather awesome teaser poster that turned up at AICN. Maybe it's Professor X's stylish beige jacket, Kevin Bacon's sideburns or THAT white jumpsuit on January Jones, but things are starting to a lot more like the film I was hoping for...

Rubber - officially The Best Trailer of 2010 - has just got itself a snazzy new poster. It's cool, it's classy, it's a picture of a tyre that kills you with its telepathic powers. What more could you want?

Quentin Dupieux's mental movie (about a tire called Robert) is out in April in the States and looked like a must-see, until this poster came along. Now it's a definite sell-your-wife-to-see-or-at-least-shoot-a-small-child movie.

No surprises there, though, because the poster's by an old flame of mine, Olly Moss - a man whose artistic talent is only outdone by his sexy, sexy hair. He'd agree with me on that too.

There's a new, longer theatrical trailer up on Apple too. Read on to see that (and the sexy new poster). Then run in terror every time you see a vehicle with wheels.

Now that's a lot more like it. Even if it does look like Geoffrey Rush is scratching his arse.

Thanks to LOVEFiLM for sharing it with the world.