Director: Tim Burton
Cast: Catherine O’Hara, Martin Lanadau, Martin Short, Charlie Tahan, Winona Ryder

I've often wondered what Tim Burton was like as a child. I'm fairly sure he didn't have scissors for hands, no head, or a secret alter-ego called Batman. Frankenweenie offers our first hint of his youth since the film originally appeared as a short in 1984. And it’s sumptuous, moving stuff.

Directors: Chris Butler, Sam Fell
Cast: Kodi Smit-McPhee, Anna Kendrick, Christopher Mintz-Plasse
Certificate: PG

Pale skin. Lack of self esteem. Unruly hair. Nightmares. That’s what you get when you mix kids and dead people. And – if you’re really unlucky – Bruce Willis. But ParaNorman takes all that and gives it a fresh stop-motion spin. Slapstick, wordplay and gore galore, it's The Sixth Sense: Part Deux! And the best news for the young’uns in the audience? There’s not a Bruce Willis in sight.

Director: Mark Andrews, Brenda Chapman, Steve Purcell
Cast: Kelly Macdonald, Billy Connolly, Emma Thompson
Certificate: PG
Trailer

"A Queen doesnae place 'er weapon oan th' table."

That’s Queen Elinor (Thompson) 'spikin tae Princess Merida (Macdonald), a wild bairn who wants tae change 'er fate frae fancy dresses, formal duties an' fake smiles. Whaur most princesses practice cross-stitch, Merida rides ben th' forest. In place ay a lute, she wields a baw an' arraw. She's closer tae Link frae The Legend of Zelda than a Disney Princess. An' tae top 'er aff? An untrained barnit ay bricht red hair.

What sets Merida apart frae most animated heroes, Pixar included? One, she’s a lassie. Two, she's ginger. But three, an' most importantly, she doesnae hae a sidekick.

Merida spends aw day wi' 'er cuddie. but diz it gab? Ne'er. Half an hoor later, fleein' frae a horde ay male suitors, she winds up at a witch’s but-an-ben, a decision tha' introduces anither beastie tae th' story: a bear. It doesnae gab either.

 

Cannae kin whit aam saying? To read this Brave review in English, click here. 

Director: Mark Andrews, Brenda Chapman, Steve Purcell
Cast: Kelly Macdonald, Billy Connolly, Emma Thompson
Certificate: PG
Trailer

"A lady does not place her weapon on the table."

That’s Queen Elinor (Thompson) speaking to Princess Merida (Macdonald), a wild child who wants to change her fate from one of fancy dresses, formal duties and fake smiles. Where most princesses practice cross-stitch, Merida rides through the forest. In place of a lute, she wields a bow and arrow. She's closer to Link from The Legend of Zelda than a Disney Princess. And to top her off? An untrained barnet of bright red hair.

What sets Merida apart from most animated heroes, Pixar included? One, she’s a girl. Two, she's ginger. But three, and most importantly, she doesn’t have a sidekick.

Merida spends all day with her horse. But does it talk? Never. Half an hour later, fleeing from a horde of male suitors, she winds up at a witch’s cottage, a decision that introduces another animal to the story: a bear. It doesn't talk either.

Out today in Serbian cinemas... Titanic. In 3D. Here's hoping they don't change the ending.

 

 

See what I did there?

So yeah, if you're near a cinema in Serbia at some point in the next few weeks, why not check out little-known film Titanik? It's getting a tiny 3-D re-release in a couple of select locations around the world to coincide with the 100th anniversary of the Titanic's tragic sinking. And it will no doubt rake in millions and millions of dollars. And probably quite a few Serbian dinars too.

If you're not sure about James Cameron's epic romance/historical drama/disaster movie/technological extravaganza (it's actually a very decent and emotionally engaging movie), then head this way to read our retrospective review of Titanic on VHS.

Alternatively, watch the Titanic 3D trailer. Or just click here to see a massive picture of Billy Zane. Either one should convince you to see Titanik again on the big screen. (Don't worry - there are 2D prints out there as well.)

 

Director: Andrew Stanton
Cast: Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Mark Strong, Dominic West
Certificate: 12A
Trailer

“You think you know Mars… BUT YOU DO NOT KNOW MARS.” A booming voiceover begins Disney’s epic sci-fi romance. It’s ridiculous. It’s laughable. It sounds incredibly stupid. But from that daft opening narration, Andrew Stanton’s John Carter is properly charming stuff.

The tale of a confederate US soldier who travels through space, battles green men with shiny blue weapons and falls in love with a princess? It’s the kind of nonsense that could only be written by a barmy warlock  in the early 20th Century. And it’s all the better for it. Edgar Rice Burroughs' story may be packed with state of the art mo-cap, but Disney’s latest is as dated as Clash of the Titans, as cheesy as Flash Gordon and as crazy as H.P. Lovecraft. In short, it’s what all old-school fantasy adventures should be: wonderfully bonkers.

 

 

 

Conclusion: They're exactly the same. But one's a lot more expensive.

 

 

Director: Brad Peyton
Cast: Dwayne Johnson, Josh Hutcherson, Michael Caine, Vanessa Hudgens, Luiz Guzman
Certificate: PG
Trailer

Centuries of French literature, film and fantasy fiction and it has come down to this: Are The Rock's nipples bouncy enough to make Journey 2 fun? The answer is easy: Yes.

You see, Dwayne Johnson, for all his limitations, possesses that one crucial thing: charisma. And the ability to play the ukelele. So that's two things. (Four things if you include both his pecs.)

Shoved in a sequel to a film that people seem to dislike - despite it being rather good - Johnson effectively plays the lead as step-father to Alex (Hutcherson), the least memorable (yet only surviving) character from Journey to the Centre of the Earth 3D. Hutcherson is fine as the geeky teen, but Alex is such a non-entity that we need someone to root for. In case The Rock's nipples can't cut it, we also get Michael Caine as Alex's granddad. Riding a giant bumblebee. 

So really the question is this: Is Michael Caine riding a giant bee enough to make Journey 2 entertaining? That one's easy: hell yes.

Director: George Miller
Cast: Elijah Wood, Robin Williams, Pink, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, Hank Azaria, Ava Acres
Certificate: PG

It's hard to believe that a movie about singing penguins could be so unloveable. After weeks of cooing over BBC's Frozen Planet, there's no better time to release this sequel to 2006's Happy Feet (it won an Oscar, remember). But after 20 minutes of singing, tapping and nonsensical storytelling, you soon give up on the adorable little animals and pine for David Attenborough, praying for a leopard seal to come along and kill them all.

The Titanic 3D trailer turned up online last night - and it looks all reassuringly familiar.

James Cameron’s “Titanic” is an epic, action-packed romance set against the ill-fated maiden voyage of the R.M.S. Titanic, the pride and joy of the White Star Line and, at the time, the largest moving object ever built. 

says the official synopsis. And we all know where it goes from there. Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio) meets Rose (Kate Winslet). Jack draws naughty pictures of Rose. Rose runs away from Billy Zane. The ship sinks. Everyone dies. And Billy Zane flounders about with a gun.

I'll be honest: I have a massive soft spot for Titanic. James Cameron is making a heck of a lot from this re-release, but the chance to watch it (probably for the 20th time) on a IMAX screen? I'm as excited as that Italian friend Leo has at the beginning of the film who disappears about halfway through and probably suffers an excruciatingly painful watery death.

Titanic 3D is in UK cinemas on Friday 6th April 2012 - 9 days before the 100th anniversary of the ship's sinking. It's going to be big. And even if you're not a fan of the film, let's face it, if you're not looking forward to seeing Billy Zane in a wet tux holding an M1911 pistol IN 3D, there's probably something wrong with you.

Read on for the trailer.