Black Man vs Train. Black Man wins. Who needs more when you're dealing with a missile the size of the Chrysler building?

Deathly Hallows Part 1

The first part of the last part of the ever-darkening franchise, Deathly Hallows Part 1 is the best film of the lot. Yes, even The Columbus Years.

The Girl who Kicked the Hornets' Nest

This TV movie spends one hour in hospital, one in court. It's basically an episode of Casualty and Kavanagh QC back-to-back.

The American

Veteran hitman shacks up in southern Italy. Sleeps with women. Befriends priest. Takes pretty pictures. Classy stuff.

Potterthon 2010

Poor boy with no friends lives in cupboard under the stairs. Decides to live blog all Harry Potter films in a row. 902 minutes. 6 films. 1 television. Accio life.


Machete don't text. Machete disappointing. Machete better as trailer.

Leap Year

Disturbing, graphic and painful to watch. Yes, it's realistic, but that’s part of what makes it so unpleasant.

Due Date

The Funniest Film Since The Hangover? Due Date ticks every comedy box. Except the one labelled jokes.

Despicable Me

Likeable fun with a lazy conclusion, Despicable Me shoots for the moon, steals it, then lets it go again. Above average, but below Pixar.

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The Harry Potterthon 2010 Print E-mail
Written by Ivan Radford   
Thursday, 11 November 2010 11:11

Poor lonely boy with no friends lives in cupboard under the stairs. Decides to watch all Harry Potter films in a row. And live blog them as he goes.

902 minutes. 6 films. 1 cathode ray television. Accio life.

It's only a matter of hours before I see the first part of the last part of the Harry Potter series and - in case you haven't realised - I'm rather excited about Deathly Hallows. So here's what happened inside my head while I attempted the ultimate Harry Potter marathon before wetting myself on the way to the cinema (Twitter hashtag: #potterthon).

This is Potterthon 2010. Expecto Patronum some hardcore magic, biatch.





Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone


1 min

I love the DVD cover for this film. Daniel Radcliffe's face looks like a radioactive apple. And the younger Emma Watson is, the more she looks like Helena Bonham Carter. Rupert Grint is a Cabbage Patch Kid and I swear Maggie Smith is giving me the eye. It's going to be a long couple of hours...

Respect if you even manage to read through this first bit.


3 mins

"I should have know that you would be here... (dramatic pause) PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL!"

Richard Harris was hardly Michael Gambon. More like DumbleBORE. Ha ha ha.


11 mins

We've already had Hedwig's Theme at least 5 times. And the kid playing Dudley is so ridiculously annoying I can't work out if he's actually like that or just a really good actor.


13 mins


"You're a wizard, Harry!"



14 mins 

"I can't... be... a... wizard... I'm... just... Harry..." It's like listening to that wheelchair kid from Malcolm in the Middle. The one with really bad asthma.


25 mins

Bored. Incidentally, have you ever seen Wizard People, Dear Reader? It's a rather entertaining re-reading of Harry Potter by a guy with a really... odd voice. Not that it's any easier to sit through those 2 hours than this piece of overlong trash. Still, the opening gives you a good idea of how it goes. I'll update you in 10 minutes when you get back. Just in case you miss anything.


36 mins

"You've got dirt on your face, by the way. Did you know? Just there." OMG, they totally get how kids speak these days.


44 mins

HUFFLEPUFF. Long live the bumbling badger of mediocrity.




45 mins

"Nearly headless? How can you be NEARLY headless?" John Cleese's cameo here might actually be worse than that moment with the inflatable jacket in The World Is Not Enough.


50 mins

"Ah, Mr Potter... Our... new... celebrity..." (I'M. ALAN. RICKMAN.)


52 mins

Here come the OWLS! Zack's Snydey senses are tingling. So are Neville Longbottom's.


56 mins

Harry catches the Remembrall. He flies back down to the courtyard. All the children run around him cheering like little Ewoks with Alopecia and pointy hats. The film ends.

Oh wait, NO IT DOESN'T.


62 mins


Cabbage Patch Kids
Harry Potter stars

Just sayin'.


78 mins

Quidditch Match > Episode I Pod Race. Discuss. Oh wait, there's no-one else stupid enough to do this with me.


102 mins

Oh noes! Someone killed a unicorn! Ridley Scott will be very upset. That centaur looks worse than the effects work in Legend. But it's about on a par with the shoddy CGI troll from earlier. Can't wait to fast forward to the later films.


107 mins

Robbie Coltrane's playing John Williams on his flute. Completely forgot about that. I'm really not sure it's a good idea...


118 mins

Finally - the wizard chess battle. This is clearly the highlight of the film. Not just because it encourages loads of small children to play chess, but because it also features the worst acting of Daniel Radcliffe's career:




127 mins

Blah blah blah, Voldemort. Blah blah blah, Your Mum. (The formula for all exposition at the end of every film.)


130 mins

"Alas... earwax." WORST. DELIVERY. EVER. Sorry Richard, but Gambon was a far better Dumbledore.


Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

This DVD cover makes it look like Daniel Radcliffe has just chopped off Emma Watson's head.


1 min

Hedwig's Theme again, but a more ambitious Warner Bros. logo this time, plus the now standard Harry Potter title zooming towards the camera. This is probably the moment that inspired James Cameron to go 3D all over again.


2 mins

The opening crane shot is quite a decent opening gambit. Shame about the rest of it. It would've been nice if Chris Columbus pushed his camera through Daniel Radcliffe's window into the bedroom. Ok, that sounded wrong.


3 mins

"I'll be upstairs in my room, hiding and pretending that I don't exist" - the beginning of Daniel Radcliffe's comic talents, best showcased when he's half-drunk in film 6. Yes, dear reader, there are another 4 films to go after this. And we haven't had Dobby yet.


5 mins

Oh wait, there he is. He never did look like I expected. But on a scale of 1 to Jar Jar Binks, he's only a 5. 


7 mins

"Give... me... those... now..." 

It's the return of the wheelchair kid from Malcolm in the Middle! Daniel Radcliffe's versatility knows no bounds. Presumably this is some kind of acting technique I'm not yet familiar with. I wonder if it has a name. Consider asthma-watch officially begun...


9 mins

And now the flying Ford Anglia - which is honestly a better car than that invisible Aston Martin from Die Another Day. A smooth transition, too, from CGI flying to a tracking shot of the car driving along when it lands at the Weasley house.


12 mins

"Where HAVE you been?!"

Hello to Julie Walters. She's having so much fun as Mrs Weasley. She might be the best member of the cast, despite the fact that she plays herself. As does Alan Rickman, I suppose. (He plays Alan Rickman, of course. He doesn't play Julie Walters.) A special mention, too, for Mark Williams, erstwhile Fast Show star and a wonderful comic talent. Great to see him get his share of the big screen throughout the franchise.


19 mins

"Weasley senior..." "Lucius."

Hello to Jason Isaacs. From this point on, Lucius Malfoy outshines Alan Rickman in the bad guy stakes - Snape is almost overlooked to the point of becoming a nice character. I dread to think what would have happened if Jason Isaacs wore that moustache he had in Green Zone.


33 mins

"... and 5 times winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award"

Kenneth Branagh really is excellent as Gilderoy Lockhart. Better than Hugh Grant would have been, for sure. He does have a smile that looks a lot like Ewan McGregor, though. Which I've never noticed before.


35 mins

Cornish Pixies! If this were directed by Guillermo Del Toro, people would've been killed by now.



55 mins

"Harry Potter has caught the snitch. Gryffindor wins!" I'm fairly sure that audio clip is an exact cut-and-paste job from the first film's commentary. The Quidditch match here is still better than the Star Wars Pod Race - they do feel very similar, but the Pod Race is 5 minutes longer. Incidentally, that rogue bludger destroys hundreds of wooden support beams in this match without anything in the stadium falling over. I'm not sure who gets contracted out to do wizarding sports construction, but it's clearly not the same team as the Commonwealth Games.


78 mins

After taking the Polyjuice Potion: "Bloody hell!" squeaks Rupert Grint. "You need to sound more like Crabbe," says Daniel Radcliffe. Grint repeats himself at exactly the same pitch. "Excellent!" declares Danny. Iincredible child acting. Only to be surpassed minutes later by the ridiculously hammy Tom Felton. I can't wait till Prisoner of Azkaban - the performances get so much better. Actually, I'm not sure they do.


98 mins

And now we're inside that curious piece of architecture: Hagrid's hut. There's an evil person (Malfoy) talking to Dumbledore and threatening him. Harry is hidden under the invisibility cloak. We could just skip 4 films and have Dumbles die now. That would free up a lot of my day.


108 mins

Watching Harry figure out it's a basilisk bumping people off is like watching Hercule Poirot's idiot cousin do a Sudoku. This is painful to watch. Why on earth my mother likes this Potter film the most is beyond me.


118 mins

Ok, so this door is officially Quite Awesome.



In fact, the whole tunnel/cave/pipe climax is a very decent bit of set design. Annoying that it took two hours to get here, but this is a solid ending. Even if the basilisk does look a lot like Roland Emmerich's Godzilla.


122 mins



I did that once with a sparkler. Couldn't come up with a decent anagram of "I Am Ivan Radford" though... "Via Android Farm"?


130 mins

In goes the basilisk fang, and there goes a Horcrux! SPOILER ALERT.

I'm actually amazed that J K Rowling hasn't published Tom Riddle's diary yet. An angsty, evil Adrian Mole just waiting to happen. "Day 1: It's so lonely being a Dark Lord. Everyone loves Bruce Willis. Nobody loves me. Mental note: must get rid of hair."


132 mins

Cue another chat with DumbleBORE. Blah blah blah, Voldemort. Blah blah blah, Your Mum.


Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban


1 min

A much better opening, this, full of confidence and style. You can tell Columbus has handed over the helm. Even the title is doing a wibbly wobbly dance to celebrate.


5 mins

It's remembrance day. I paused the DVD for 2 mins silence at 11am. Which coincided exactly with the precise moment where Aunt Marge has just inflated. Unfortunate.


9 mins

"Take it away, Ern!" I'm always undecided about the Knight Bus. Then I watch the whole sequence and decide that it's awesome. Camerawork inside the bus and out on the streets is deceptively complex. Bullet time, in fact.


14 mins

OWL! (Owl watch continues)


17 mins

That Sirius Black is so hot right now. "Why would I go looking for someone who wants to kill me?" Because you're a WIZARD, Harry. And an idiot.


21 mins

Ah, the Dementor attack on the train - great music from John Williams here, and a genuinely eerie hand-round-door moment. Chris Columbus wouldn't know where to point his camera for something so scary. A decent introduction to David Thewlis as Professor Lupin, too. Although I still think that John Hannah would have been a better choice.


25 mins

Michael Gambon, Michael Gambon, Michael Gambon! A far better Dumbledore. He's like a lively uncle compared to Richard Harris' infirm old grandad. OMG, The Gambon totally just made a candle go out! MAGIC, INNIT.


27 mins

I'm not going to comment on Dawn French's cameo.


It's crap.


30 mins



"The Grim is one of the darkest omens in the world..." So says THE BLACK KID at Hogwarts. Incredibly subtle, using a black kid to say any line in the film that relates to words like "black" and "dark".


38 mins

"Black could be anywhere. It's like trying to catch smoke..." THE BLACK KID RETURNS. No, seriously. It can't be intentional. Can it?


42 mins

I love the fact that Professor Lupin plays jazz in the background of the Boggart lesson. But then John Williams goes and puts his music ALL OVER THE TOP OF IT. Soundtrack fail.


46 mins

And countdown in 10 seconds to the giraffe............... THERE IT IS!

Giraffe walks across the back wall covering about 5 paintings. That kind of background detail is what makes Alfonso Cuaron's vision of Hogwarts so brilliant. Along with that massive clock. More on that later.


52 mins

Another Quidditch match. This one begins with an umbrella blowing around between clouds - a striking, surrealist way to start off a brief but stylish sequence in the rain. The series was crying out for this director. In other news, The Black Kid from earlier? He totally has his own Facebook page. What a institutionally racist legend.


68 mins

I do love Lupin's office. Lots of spinning, whirly, metal contraption things. It's like he lives in The Gadget Shop. Does that place still exist? Used to enjoy going there when I was 12. Enough of my life story, let's pay close attention to Hagrid's horrific orange and yellow polka dot tie.


80 mins

"You foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach!" BAM. Hermione punches Malfoy in the face. Worth a rewind every time. If only there was some way to go back in time and relive the whole moment. (SPOILER ALERT)


88 mins

Finally, we get Gary Oldman! "I did my waiting! 12 years of it! In Azkaban!" Wonderfully deranged and scraggy. Compare that to Sirius Black in the later films (all 2 of them), or Batman's Commissioner Gordon. Great range, that Oldman guy. And throughout this whole scene, the haunted house is moving in the background. Incredibly subtle and eerie visuals. Bravo.


92 mins

Ladies and gentleman, I give you Timothy Spall in full rat regalia. The likeness really is quite impressive.


100 mins

But then they go ahead and ruin it all with a seriously duff bit of effects work. The transformation scene pales in comparison to An American Werewolf in London. Epic CGI fail. Which would explain why the team behind it relished having another go at a werewolf for the Dr Who episode Tooth and Claw years later. It was a massive improvement. Not that that's saying much.


115 mins

Can't beat a bit of the old time travel lark. The highlight obviously being Emma Watson's delivery of the line "Is that really what my hair looks like from the back?" Take note, viewers. This is the point where she first began to show signs of talent. Cracking stuff. Nice hair, too. From the back. A mate of mine still fancies her. Although he started to fancy her in the first film. He insisted on talking about it on the way home from school once. That was one uncomfortable bus journey.


117 mins

You say plot, I say a chance for them to run around a lot while the camera flies through the gorgeous Hogwarts clock tower. A few pictures for you to sample its awesomeness:




Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire


1 min

Mike Newell takes the reigns for this one and kicks things off with a shot of a gravestone. Brilliantly atmospheric opening - almost as effective as when I first read the book on the night it was published.


3 mins

"Hello Harry, my name's Amos. This is my son Diggory. Who will die in approximately 2 hours time." SPOILER ALERT


9 mins

An honestly spectacular sequence for the Quidditch World Cup. The best thing about it? It skips the Quidditch altogether. Brave decision, keeps the pace taut, and stops us getting even more sick of people flying on broomsticks while playing catch.


11 mins

Oh look, it's David Tennant. And he's waggling his tongue about. Must. Not. Get. Excited.


22 mins

Enter Brendan Gleeson as Mad Eye Moody. When I first saw his picture, I was unsure. Now I'm totally convinced. A brilliant actor, Mr Gleeson. Did you see that short film where he shot the rabbit?



No wonder he's now forcing kids to do unforgivable curses in class. Ofsted would NOT allow that.


30 mins 

Another shot of the clock tower there. You can always tell who the good directors are - their touches are carried on by the next entry in the franchise. What did Chris Columbus pass on? 4 hour runtimes? Owls? Actually, don't knock the owls. Owls are awesome.


40 mins

Solid direction from Mike Newell. You can really see the similarities between this and Four Weddings and a Funeral. (No you can't.)


45 mins

"I'm not an OWL!" Shut up Hermione. You so are.


57 mins

Quidditch? Who needs Quidditch when you have DRAGONS? The effects in this film are consistently impressive. Even more impressive, I think one of the Weasley twins just used the word "sod", as if Ron's use of "bloody" wasn't frequent enough. Them Weasleys have filthy potty mouths. I blame the hair, obvs.

Weasley Swear Count (approximate)



71 mins

And now the romantic subplots begin. First up, Fleur Delacour. who is nowhere near as how as the book describes her. "There she was walking by... You know how I like it when they walk..." Rupert Grint is starting to get a decent sense of comic timing now. Shame about his ridiculous hair. If I told you he looked like a friend of mine, I'm sure he'd hate me for ruining his street cred.


77 mins

It's all very well Hermione dressing up in pink for the Winter Ball, but Karkarov's costume make him look like a JEDI. Beat that, Emma Watson. It's also weird to see Edward Cullen walking about without bursting into shiny diamonds every time the sun shines on him.


90 mins

Now for the second challenge, the water one. A far cry from The Little Mermaid, this bit. They're closer to Predators than fish. 


105 mins

Here's your token slice of Alan Rickman for the film. "My hand might just slip over your morning pumpkin juice..." Somehow, the thought of Snape's hand slipping over my pumpkin just makes me quiver with excitement. I am well aware that I have problems.


108 mins

Great bit of maze design, here - kicks Hampton Court's arse. For some reason, Harry Potter films always seem to pull off the climaxes very well. Except for the first film, of course. Wizard chess aside, that was a bit naff. It's also incredible that Harry hasn't yet realised that Brendan Gleeson is evil. Never trust a man who shoots a rabbit. It's that simple.


110 mins

Incidentally, everyone does now seem to have floppy hair like Hugh Grant. Even Robert Pattinson/R-Patz/Edward/Diggory. I blame Mike Newel for this.


117 mins

"Kill the spare!" Not the best line of dialogue to go out on, but hey,it's not like Diggory is around to complain. Let's consider it fair payback for Remember Me. Although he does die in that one too. A plane flies into him. DOUBLE SPOILER ALERT


120 mins

And now it's time to get completely freaked out by Ralph Fiennes' incredibly hammy and spooky performance. Inspired casting - no-one else can do that quiet whisper quite so well. Although most disturbing of all is Voldemort's sex face:



He does that face a lot.


134 mins

Dumbledore meets with Harry again. Blah blah blah, Voldemort. Blah blah blah, Your Mum.

"Never liked these curtains. Set fire to them in my 4th year. By accident of course..." I love how Dumbledore is quick to make sure he doesn't encourage a new wave of young arsonists to rise up and trash London. Always an important message to have at the end of a film.



Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix


1 min

Hedwig's Theme once again, but now with flutes jumping about in the background. Then it segues into some muted horns and piano twiddling. I'm quite a big fan of Nicholas Hooper's score.


2 mins

Also quite a bold start to the film, using a sudden burst of sunshine after the shadowy clouds of the opening logos. David Yates was a great choice to take over the series. If you don't think so, go watch State of Play (the BBC series) and come back.

Quite controversially, I think that this might be my favourite of the Potter films so far.


3 mins

I should add that this is the worst Potter book, so it's hardly a surprise that the adaptation is so good. But Michael Goldenberg did replace Steve Kloves on scripting duties, which I think is a big reason for it being so streamlined without being too shallow.


5 mins

Tonks to Mad Eye: "Don't call me Nymphadora!" I'll be honest with you: I will do absolutely anything Natalia Tena wants me to. As long as her hair keeps changing colour.


6 mins

Nice little flight sequence down the Thames. Completely unnecessary of course, but with music like that in the background (Flight of the Order of the Phoenix), who's going to complain?




11 mins

"Albus... Percy... Wilfred.. Brian... Dumbledore" - I would have liked to see Richard Harris deliver that line with such charisma. Still, it's only a matter of time until Imedla Staunton pops up in her little pink costume and upstages everyone.


12 mins

Oh look! There she is! Yet another brilliant bit of casting for supporting characters. The only British thesp left now is Bill Nighy. And even he's made it in there for Deathly Hallows.


28 mins

"You're not going mad - I can see them too..." The bat-shit insane Luna Lovegood everybody! They held open auditions for this part. A friend of mine's sister got down to the final 5 or something. Needless to say, she didn't get it. She did get a photo in full Hogwarts uniform, though. And one of Rupert Grint too, I believe. Which obviously made that crushing feeling of rejection all the more bearable.


37 mins

That pink office is horrible. An impressively quick turnaround in decor from Mad Eye Moody's old room, though. Magic? No. Child labour, clearly. And now Umbridge gets out that quill she uses to torture small children. "You know deep down you deserve to be punished..." she sings with a twisted sexual glee. Imelda Staunton has issues.


*Insert fluffy pink montage of Umbridge action here*


49 mins

"Foul evil gargoyle!" Hermione unleashes a fresh barrage of choice insults on her latest victim of verbal abuse. For your own reference:

Hermione's Insult Count

Cockroach 3
50 million


54 mins

And now we get The Official Harry Potter Training Montage. Which leads up to the worst on-screen kiss EVER. It's even worse than Tobey Maguire's smooch in Spider-Man.



72 mins

"I just feel so... angry... all... the... time..." Asthma boy from Malcolm in the Middle is back! And in other news, Daniel Radcliffe seems to have just hit puberty.


78 mins

And now it's Patronus Time for the The Harry Potter Training Montage - part 2. "This is advanced magic, guys," says Harry, as everyone in the room manages to produce a full bodied patronus almost straight away. That said, Luna's patronus is a rabbit. Which is just about the wussiest thing you could ever have to protect you from certain death.


82 mins

Dumbledore disappears from his office using his phoenix bursting into flame as cover. Kingsley Shacklebolt turns to Cornelius Fudge and says in his best deep booming voice: "You may not like him, Minister, but you got to admit, Dumbledore's got style." Best. Line. Of. The. Film.


93 mins

I wish all my school exams took place in that room with that giant clock. Especially if they all ended with an impromptu fireworks display. Again, a great bit of scoring from Nicholas Hooper. Electric guitar and everything.


99 mins

Imelda Staunton totally just called the centaur a half-breed. Then that giant picked her up and stuff. Ha ha. Take that, right wing political values! It's like watching Nick Griffin get beaten up. While wearing a pink dress.


105 mins

"He knows how to play! Itty... Bitty.. Baby... Potter..." Helena Bonham Carter has entered the room. And she's loving it. Just in case her impression of King Kong earlier on in the film wasn't enough for you.




107 mins

Now some people don't like the way they did the Death Eaters when they duel, all black swishy streams and stuff. But I've got to say: I love it. This whole ending sequence in the Ministry of Magic is brilliantly judged, particularly the oppressive black marble walls that surround the entire skirmish.


110 mins



115 mins

Now we have an even better fight on our hands - Tom Riddle vs Albus Dumbledore. This entire bit was in 3D when the film first came out. I wasn't convinced, but did enjoy it embiggened on an IMAX screen. As you'd expect, they've certainly got the basics of elemental duelling nailed: fire vs water, glass vs sand, beards vs people without noses. Symbolic shizzle.


122 mins

Things wrap up with a philosophical insight from the barmy Lovegood girl. "Things we lose always have a way of coming back to us. I think I'll go have some pudding." Amen to that, Luna. Amen to that. (Pudding FTW)


Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince


1 min

Here it is. The final chapter in The Harry Potterthon. At last. But first, three annoying adverts. One for a video game, one for an iPhone app, and one for The Ultimate Edition Blu-Rays of Harry Potter. Because I obviously want to buy those if I've just bought the DVD.


2 min

Oh wait, there's also a trailer for Sherlock Holmes. And Lego Harry Potter. And FREE WILLY 4. Seriously?! Free Willy 3 was bad enough. Dammit. That's going to annoy me for the rest of the film. 

3 mins

Nice pick up from the previous film - lots of flashbulbs and sad faces. Then a great set piece with a bunch of London landmarks getting trashed by Death Eaters. Some of those alleys do look a bit shoddy on a small screen, though. Think Sweeney Todd. You know what I mean.


4 mins

"11. That's when I get off." Oh look, a waitress is hitting on Harry Potter. That would NEVER HAPPEN. (Still angry about Free Willy 4.)

I should also just add that it's an absolute pleasure to not start a film with 5 minutes of Hedwig's Theme. It's iconic and everything, sure, but I'm glad I'm not having it shoved in my ear hole for the 50th time. (Didn't the whale from Free Willy 1 and 2 die anyway? Honestly, the very idea is sacrilege.)


8 mins

Jim Broadbent as a chair reminds me an awful lot of that secret service chief in the Leslie Nielsen spoof Spy Hard. He disguised himself as furniture too. How far cinema has come over the years... It's also nice to see Dumbledore's naughty side. Not only does he use a toilet and steal a knitting magazine, he even makes sleazy comments about the waitress from earlier. DumblePERVE more like.


28 mins

Harry enters the Great Hall after getting his nose broken by Malfoy. Ginny: "He's covered in blood. Why is he always covered in blood?" Methinks ickle Weasley has a taste for the red stuff.


40 mins

I love the way they talk about Professor Slughorn "collecting" people. It makes him sound like a serial killer in some cheap and nasty torture porn flick. I'm not sure what Jim Broadbent would make of that.


47 mins

"Day 30: Met a strange man today. Told me I was special and then set fire to my wardrobe. I think I'll make him my nemesis." (Tom Riddle's Diary, page 7)


60 mins

Curious how whenever there's a dorm party, you never see any cigarettes or drink. Unless you count Butterbeer, which at times seems to be alcoholic and at others comes across like a cream soda pop. Either way, the most rebellious these kids seem to get is loud music and the odd indoor firework. My childhood wasn't like that.


62 mins

Emo moment! Fans of Twilight will love this - Hermione getting soppy on the stairs. But this is Harry Potter, so it's never quite that simple. Emma Watson's magicked up some friends to fly around her head and keep her company. In stumbles Rupert Grint, all red hair and sexy polo shirt (phwoar). "What's with the birds?" he asks. Then he realises: they aren't just birds. They're ANGRY BIRDS. J K Rowling totally pipped the iPhone to the post.


88 mins

Always nice to catch a glimpse of the double staircase in the divination tower - again, something kept from the 3rd film. Thank you, Alfonso Cuaron. Thalfonso Cuaron.


94 mins

Ah, the old fight in the toilet ploy, eh boys? Steamy little bit of conflict right here. With a nice bit of poster paint blood to finish, complete with watery flooding. Classy.


100 mins

Liquid Luck time! The closest we'll ever get to seeing a drunk Harry Potter. "Personally these plants always sort of freaked me out..." This is perhaps the best acting Daniel Radcliffe has done in his whole career. Including the stuff with the horses. Just went to find the clip where he says "Not to mention the pincers" on YouTube while the DVD was playing and it synced perfectly up with the telly as soon as it loaded. Freaky.



110 mins

"Day 42: Want to know how to split soul into pieces. Will ask Jim Broadbent. He's bound to know. Still not Dark Lord." (Tom Riddle's Diary, page 174)


115 mins

OMG! Dumbledore's stolen Gandalf's beard!!!



121 mins

And here come the zombies... This is the best chapter of the book (possibly Rowling's best piece of writing full stop) and they did a damned good job getting it right on screen. Although the whole bowl/cup thing Gandalf (sorry, Dumbledore) drinks from is a little bit on the gay side.


125 mins

"Hide yourself below, Harry." Now this is the controversial bit. In the book, Harry's immobilised so he can't do anything to save Dumbledore. Here, he just stands there hiding like a coward. Conflicted character drama? Sure. But a pointless change from the book? Definitely.


130 mins

And now Snape starts to talk. "Yes... I AM the Half-Blood Prince..." Then he stops talking and walks away. Perhaps the worst way that crucial exposition could have happened. Although asking Alan Rickman to shout the lines would be kind of weird.


131 mins

Oh, Dumbledore's totally dead by the way. SPOILER ALERT



And so ends Potterthon 2010. My brain has actually stopped working. The only thing I know for sure? I really do hate The Columbus Years. And I can't seem to get this Mysterious Ticking Noise out of my head...




Roll on Deathly Hallows Part 1.




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3Monday, 15 November 2010 15:11
Prisoner of Azkhaban section.
OMG they totally were Angry Birds!
2Monday, 15 November 2010 12:54
117 minutes - 'it's awesomeness'?????? I am officially ousting you from proofreader duties.
Monday, 15 November 2010 14:18
Ivan Radford
I don't know what you're talking about...

*Post last modified on YOUR MUM*
1Monday, 15 November 2010 12:43
Do I get extra respect at not only reading the first bit, but crying silently with laughter at the 'radioactive apple' bit? You crack me up, Radford.