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5 films made better with Gizoogle Print E-mail
Written by Ivan Radford   
Tuesday, 05 March 2013 07:00

5 films made better with Gizoogle 

Have you heard of Gizoogle, biatch? It aint nuthin but been around fo' a while n' is pimped out funk fo' readin yo' own twizzlez yo.

What I just said: Have you heard of Gizoogle? It's been around for a while and is great fun for reading your own tweets.

But until now, I've never really considered Gizoogle's full power. The site's ability to rewrite any given text into gangsta speak is, for some reason, instantly hilarious. Is it the fact that it calls all movies "pornos"? Refers to the IMDb as the "Internizzle Porno Database"? The way it randomly inserts phrases such as "I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch" into completely arbitrary sentences?

Whatever it is, I've now realised that Gizoogle is a tool - nay, a gift from the internet gods - to take rubbish, boring or confusing films and improve them by at least 12%.

To demonstrate, here are five randomly-chosen films made better (busted mo' betta) with Gizoogle. Word. 


Arbitrage (2013)

Synopsis (Wikipedia)
Yo, Sixty-year-old multi-bazillionaire Robert Milla manages a hedge fund wit his fuckin lil' daughter Brooke (Brit Marling) n' be bout ta push it fo' a handsome profit. But fuck dat shizzle yo, tha word on tha street is dat unbeknownst ta his fuckin lil' daughter n' most of his other hommies, dat schmoooove muthafucka has cooked his companyz books up in order ta cover a investment loss n' avoid bein arrested fo' fraud. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

Review (Our review)

Yeah, therez no gettin round dat shit. Nicholas Jareckiz thrilla - boastin a gangbangin' dunkadelic performizzle from Ricky Gere n' Brit Marlin - is pimped out at dealin up in shadez of grey, moral ambiguitizzle n' tha ever-turnin wheelz of juice up in Tha Ghetto yo.

Random quote
Robert Miller: You're not mah partner, you work fo' me biaaatch! All Y'all works fo' me biaatch!

The Tree of Life (2011)

Synopsis (Wikipedia)

Da film chroniclez tha origins n' meanin of thuglife by way of a middle-aged manz childhood memoriez of his wild lil' gang livin up in 1950s Texas, against tha narratizzle backdrop of tha originz of tha universe n' tha inception n' end of thuglife on Earth.

Other facts (Wikipedia)
After nuff muthafuckin muthafuckin years up in pimpment n' missin 2009 n' 2010 release dates, tha film premiered up in competizzle all up in tha 2011 Cannes Film Festival, where it won tha Palme d'Or. Critics was divided bout tha film. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some muthafuckas praised it fo' Malickz bust of technical n' artistic imagery, directorial style, n' fragmented non-linear narrative. Others criticised it fo' tha same stupid-ass reasons.

Review (Roger Ebert)
Da Tree of Life be a gangbangin' film of vast ambizzle n' deep humility, attemptin no less than ta encompass all of existence n' view it all up in tha prizzle of a gangbangin' few infinitesimal lives.

Random quote
Mrs. O'Brien: Da nuns taught our asses dat no one whoz ass loves tha way of grace eva comes ta a funky-ass bad end.

27 Dresses (2008)

Synopsis (Rottan Tomatoes)

A single biatch whoz ass has served as a funky-ass bridesmaid a shockin 27 times wrestlez wit tha prospect of supportin her sista all up in tha altar on number 28, despite havin fallen muthafuckin helplessly up in ludd wit her smitten siblingz handsome homeboy-to-be.

Review (Guardian)
Heigl has a knack fo' light comedy, n' a easy as fuck phat grace, which is just as well since dat freaky freaky biatch has taken on a script dat fails ta find satire on tha can't-miss territory of tha Manhattan weddin circuit fo' realz. Every Muthafucka holdin up fo' a glorious final scene of emancipated dress-burnin needn't bother.

Random quote
Jane: Yo ass gots dem champagne glasses n' a funky-ass forty of Cristal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.

Inland Empire (2006)

Synopsis (Rotten Tomatoes)

It be tha tale of a playette whose personalitizzle becomes increasingly fragmented as her dope ass delves eva deeper tha fuck into her work fo' a high-profile filmmaker.

Other facts (Wikipedia)

Da feature took two-and-a-half muthafuckin years ta complete, n' was Lynchz first film ta done been blasted entirely up in standard definition digital vizzle. 

Review (Film4)
This rap of magic, madnizz n' metempsychosis will have you feelin like a rabbit tryin ta puzzle up what tha fuck exactly is goin on as wilder wolves circle n' headlights game toward you outta tha darkness.

Random quote
Nikki: Damn! This soundz like a thugged-out dialogue from our script!

Meet Joe Black (1998)

Synopsis (Rotten Tomatoes)
Da cycle of thuglife on Ghetto hangs up in tha balizzle when Dirtnap becomes cheezy-assly involved up in dis horny-ass fantasy. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

Review (Rotten Tomatoes)
This porno straight-up makes no sense yo, but I still smoke up it a shitload

Random quote
Joe Black: Nuff props fo' gangbangin mah dirty ass.

I did try Pulp Fiction - and several other Samuel L. Jackson films - but funnily enough, they came out exactly the same.
What films do you think work better when Gizoogled