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Home Blog Features Making the Cut: We're Just Not That Into Jennifer Aniston
Making the Cut: We're Just Not That Into Jennifer Aniston Print E-mail
Written by Ivan Radford   
Monday, 28 March 2011 10:12

After Saturday's March for the Alternative by the TUC saw up to 500,000 folks take to the streets, it's clear that the public aren't happy with the cuts being made by the coalition government.

There are always alternative ways to reduce the deficit (see The Robin Hood Tax), but you have to be prudent what/where you cut. How about someone/something that costs $24.5 million a year? That's a good start.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: Jennifer Aniston.


Last seen in Just Go with It with Adam Sandler, Ms Aniston is ripe for the financial chop. She's more useless than Nick Clegg, and she's the second-highest earning actress this year, according to Vanity Fair - right below Kristen Stewart (who, unlike Aniston, has proven she can act in both Adventureland and The Runaways).

Removing Jennifer Aniston immediately from all cinemas will save a few bob on future films, and will benefit everyone directly (mainly because we'll never have to see Jennifer Aniston again).

To help demonstrate this, I've gone ahead and cut Jennifer Aniston out of some films. It really is that easy.



The Bounty Hunter (2010)

Amount saved $8m (approx)


Cutting Jennifer Aniston from this scene makes it look like Gerard Butler is being sexually assaulted by Casper the Friendly Ghost.



The Switch (2010)

Amount saved $8m (approx)


This child is clearly better off without Jennifer Aniston...




... plus Jason Bateman gets some much needed privacy.





Marley & Me (2010)

Amount saved $3m (approx)


Marley & Me is 120% cuter without her. Andrex Puppy > Rachel from Friends.




Now you've seen how easy it is, check out how happy the ENTIRE WORLD is at the thought of Jennifer Aniston being closed instead of libraries:



All we need to do is get these cuts approved and we'll be improving life for a lot of people. Especially Joey Lauren Adams in The Break-Up:




Get to it, George Osbourne. There's always E4 if you miss Rachel that much.


Who else is overpaid and rubbish? Nominate your alternative movie star cuts here and watch it make no difference at all to the UK economy.


  • jennifer aniston
  • marley and me
  • the bounty hunter
  • the break-up
  • the switch