In case you haven't been following my recent escapades on the Twitters, I got back late last night from a two-week trek across Europe, taking in eight cities in seven countries in just under 16 days. After ending up in Romania, I woke up this morning to find myself surrounded by English-speaking people with vaguely familiar coins in my wallet and living in constant fear of random identity checks at 3am by Serbian border guards wielding dogs and torches.

I have no idea what day it is. I don't know what time it is. I'm not sure where I am - but I've apparently been here before. Also, I may have dreamt it, but I think I saw a three-breasted woman at some point in the last 24 hours.

In short, I'm feeling a lot like Colin Farrell in this Total Recall remake trailer - i.e. not all that bad. (But without a three-breasted woman.)