With the news yesterday that the Mr Men (and presumably Little Misses) are on their way to the big screen courtesy of 20th Century Fox animation, I wanted to reassure those panicking idiots who think their childhood may be abused by a big CGI movie. Again.

Roger Hargreaves wrote 48 original Mr. Men books, starting in 1971. But after four different TV adaptations, where else is there to go in the Mr Men universe? Luckily for Fox, the Mr Men and Little Misses got busy overnight and popped out some appropriately named offspring. Here are some new characters for the studio to play with:

Parents: Mr Tickle / Little Miss Naughty

Plot: Little Miss Naughty Tickle loves a bit of naughty tickling. But one day she gets arrested by Mr Policeman for naughty tickling on street corners. Struggling through a hard prison life with her long arms in handcuffs, Little Miss Naughty Tickle comes out the other side a changed woman. Will she ever tickle again?

Parents: Mr Bump / Little Miss Curious

Plot: Mr Curious Bump discovers a curious bump in a sensitive area of his bumpy blue body. What could it be? Phoning up NHS Direct for answers, Mr Curious Bump spends four hours waiting on hold dreaming up increasingly fanciful and horrible things that might have caused the curious bump. A neurotic existential comedy, probably voiced by Paul Giamatti. Wes Anderson and Charlie Kaufman fight over directing duties.

Parents: Mr Wrong / Little Miss Magic

Plot: Mr Wrong Magic keeps doing magic wrong. He's killed two children already and destroyed at least three boats. When his latest illusion goes wrong, he ends up on the run with a whore who does tricks for money and a dead dove in a bag. As the cops close in on their location, it looks like they won't get out alive. Unless something magical happens...

Parents: Little Miss Fickle / Mr Christmas

Plot: Like all sexist depictions of women, Little Miss Fickle Christmas can never decide whether it's Christmas. Sick of indecision, hormonal imbalances and confused calendar dates, she does the only logical thing to save her sanity: she sets about destroying everything Christmas-related. Or does she? It soon turns out her evil doppelganger is doing the dastardly deeds, and the race is on for Little Miss Fickle Christmas to make up her mind once and for all. Can she save Santa? Of course she can! Or can she?

Parents: Mr Strong / Little Miss Bad

Plot: A Mexican wrestler by profession, Mr Strong Bad spends most of the 90 minute film replying to emails in his bedroom. No-one goes to see the film in the cinema because they're all too busy replying to emails in their bedroom, but Mr Strong Bad swiftly gains a cult following on DVD thanks to people who like obscure references to internet cartoons.

Parents: Mr No

Plot: Mr No says no a lot. Brought up by his single father, Mr No, Mr No has big shoes to fill. Consumed by his sense of failure and general inability to say yes, he chops his hands off after someone tells him not to. Then he goes to university and gets a PhD, setting this film up to become the world's first James Bond prequel.