Everyone knows that Santa doesn't exist. (Spoiler alert.)
But if you're a parent desperately trying to your child's foolish sense of deluded hope alive for another 12 months, how the hell do you trick a kid into thinking that Father Christmas has been and gone on December 24th?
Don't fret, cruel deceitful parents! We've rounded up everything you could possibly need to learn about being Saint Nick from festive films to create a seasonal movie guide. And who knows? If Santa does actually turn out to be real one day, it might be useful when you're applying for a vacancy up at the North Pole.
Either way, without further ado, here's how to be Santa Claus:
For more infographicky goodness, take a look at some of our other How To guides, including the indispensible Jurassic Park Survival Guide, How to Be a Ghost-Buster, How to Stop the End of the World, How to Break Out of Prison - and a diagram of Christian Bale Punching People.