"There's a horse running about in No Man's Land..."
So speaks an army man (not a horse) to another soldier (also not a horse) while standing around the battlefield like a couple of human beings who aren't horses. Then, with a surge of emotional music, out rides... A HORSE.
Just look at that horse go. Galloping along as bullets fly past and explosions go bang. Trotting up and down the trenches in the face of death. Sticking its middle hoof up to the Germans and the Russians.
Truly this is one special horse. A miraculous little creature, who canters about doing his horsey thing while all around him all the non-horses die. If only we could be more like the horse, that noble, graceful horse of war. The war horse.
"BE BRAVE!" yells an army general, teetering on the edge of battle, sitting on a horse. I'll be brave for you, horse! I'll stick my hoof up to The Man! I'll stand tall as Steven Spielberg, Richard Curtis and John Williams conspire to turn me into a sobbing pile of - what's that? Oh no, I'm not crying. It's just raining on my face.
War Horse is out in cinemas on Friday 13th January next year. It's already riding into my LFF Surprise Film predictions list. Read on for the full video.