"Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." "Yeah, I know - and such small portions."

That's how I feel about my cakes. But with National Cupcake Week in the UK and Blue Jasmine out in cinemas in a few days, I couldn't resist the urge to bake some Woody Allen cupcakes. After all, baking is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Ingredients:

50g sugar
50g butter
50g self-raising flour
1 egg
1/2tsp vanilla essence
(Makes four cupcakes.)

Mix ingredients together in a bowl, spoon into paper cases and cook for 20 minutes on Gas Mark 4. Remove cakes and follow the below...

Annie Hall cake

Mix some red colouring with some icing and shape it into three balls, one big, one medium and one small.

Roll another small all and flatten it into a triangle. Then cut two holes to make it look like a tale. Put that to one side and mix some black icing.

Squeeze the three red balls together, than roll two tiny pieces of black icing and stick them onto the head. Then roll out two more red balls and split it into two halves to make claws.

Finally, make some vanilla frosting (icing sugar, butter and vanilla essence) and pipe onto one of your cupcakes. Place the lobster on top. Then hide the cake behind the fridge and wait for Diane Keaton to freak out.

Manhattan cake

Step one: Buy Manhattan on DVD. Step two: Roll out white icing onto a dusted surface and cut out a circle to match the size out of your cupcake. Step three: Roll out black icing and cut out a circle of the same size. Then, using the DVD of Manhattan you purchased earlier, cut out a rough copy of New York's skyline. Place it on of the white cupcake topper.

Woody Allen cupcake

Roll out black icing onto a dusted surface and use a knife to draw the outline of thick-framed glasses - then remove the insides of the glasses. Cut another circle of white icing and place them on top of a cupcake.

Blue Jasmine cake

Mix some grey icing and sculpt the bottom of a martini glass. Roll out a thingstem and mould the conical top half. Then, mix some yellow icing and use it to fill up the glass. Mix some blue frosting and pipe it on top of a cupcake, then place the cocktail glass on top. One finished, pour yourself a martini, take your cupcake to a nearby park bench and stare into the distance for at least an hour.

Put it all together and ta da! Your very own Woody Allen cupcakes. Now you can start worrying about everything that's wrong with them: