Yes, it's shallow and misogynistic, but those people hating on Sucker Punch like Zack Snyder ran over their baby? Ignore them for a minute - for 6 minutes, if you can. Because Warner Bros (fighting the floppy US box office figures) are letting folks watch the first 5 minutes of Sucker Punch online.
The story of a young girl who escapes from a mental hospital by imagining she's a prostitute, Sucker Punch isn't the most pleasant material to come out of a bloke. But overlook the leering tone and there's some fun to be had. Most of it involving big guns and short skirts.
There's a lot of visual style running around the screen, especially in the latter half of the film (DRAGONS!), but try out the opening and get a taste for what many (ok, just me) are calling "the Citizen Kane of movies about semi-naked women with guns". Who knows? You may be shallow enough to like it.
Sucker Punch is out in cinemas today - and isn't all that bad (it's just mostly bad). Read a full review here, or read on for the full video.
"YOU WILL BE UNPREPARED" screams the new trailer for Zack Snyder's Sucker Punch. Right in between shots of massive dragons, scantily clad girls, slow-motion explosions and helicopters.
Let's get a few things straight, Mr. Visionary Director of 300 and Watchmen:
1. I am very well prepared for Sucker Punch, having seen at least two trailers for this absurd nonsense already.
2. It has dragons. Everyone is prepared for dragons. If you are not prepared for dragons, YOU ARE A FOOL.
3. As prepared as I am, I still have not got a clue what is going on. I doubt anyone on set did either.
4. Vanessa Hudgens, Abbie Cornish, Carla Gugino and Jon Hamm. All of these are very cool names.
5. This trailer is nothing but an excuse for some very loud music by a band I have probably never heard of.
6. I AM VERY EXCITED.
7. Did I mention the dragons?
Here's the new trailer:
And, just in case your eyeballs still want more, you can now go to the official site
and "paint" over the trailer. Like, choose a frame and write naughty words and stuff all over it. Ok, I admit: I was unprepared for that.
Director: Jon Chu
Cast: Justin Bieber
Release Date: Friday 18th February
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never is the inspiring true story and rare inside look at the rise of Justin from street performer in the small town of Stratford, Ontario to internet phenomenon to global super star culminating with a dream sold out show at the famed Madison Square Garden in 3-D.
Director: John Cameron Mitchell
Cast: Nicole Kidman, Aaron Eckhart
Release Date: Friday 4th February
Becca and Howie Corbett are a married couple struggling to return to their everyday existence several months after the loss of their child. Becca and Howie embark on separate journeys, making increasingly unexpected choices that threaten to pull them apart.
Distancing herself from her family and her own emotions, Becca begins to surreptitiously follow a local teenage boy with whom she shares an unexplained connection. Howie clings wholeheartedly onto his memories and places his faith in the everyday routines of life, but an acquaintance at a group therapy session offers a more unconventional method of dealing with his feelings.
With their world tilted off of its axis, the couple must decide whether to allow their increasingly fractured personal journeys to bring them back together. RABBIT HOLE is a vivid, honest and unexpectedly funny portrait of a family searching for what remains possible in the most impossible of situations.
Alejandro González Iñárritu
Cast: Javier Bardem
Release Date: Friday 28th January
Biutiful is a love story between a father and his children. This is the journey of Uxbal, a conflicted man who struggles to reconcile fatherhood, love, spirituality, crime, guilt and mortality amidst the dangerous underworld of modern Barcelona. His livelihood is earned out of bounds, his sacrifices for his children know no bounds.
Like life itself, this is a circular tale that ends where it begins. As fate encircles him and thresholds are crossed, a dim, redemptive road brightens, illuminating the inheritances bestowed from father to child, and the paternal guiding hand that navigates life’s corridors, whether bright, bad – or biutiful.
Director: Rowan Joffe
Cast: Sam Riley, Andrea Riseborough, John Hurt, Helen Mirren
Release Date: Friday 4th February
Adapted from Graham Greene’s iconic 1939 novel, Brighton Rock charts the headlong fall of Pinkie, a razor-wielding disadvantaged teenager hell bent on clawing his way up through the ranks of organized crime.
At the heart of the story is the anti-hero Pinkie’s relationship with Rose - an apparently innocent young waitress who stumbles on evidence linking Pinkie and his gang to a revenge killing that Pinkie commits. After the murder, Pinkie seduces Rose, first in an effort to find out how much she knows and latterly to ensure she will not talk to the police.
A love story between a murderer and a witness; can Pinkie trust Rose or should he kill her before she talks to the police? Can Rose trust Pinkie or is she next in line?
Director: Derek Cianfrance
Cast: Ryan Gosling, Michelle Williams
Release Date: Friday 14th January
Blue Valentine is a story of love found and love lost told in past and present moments in time. Flooded with romantic memories of their courtship, Dean (Ryan Gosling) and Cindy (Michelle Williams) use one night to try and save their failing marriage.
Director: Zack Snyder
Cast: Emily Browning, Abbie Cornish, Jena Malone, Vanessa Hudgens, Jamie Chung, Carla Gugino
Release Date: Friday 1st April
Close your eyes. Open your mind. You will be unprepared.
Sucker Punch is an epic action fantasy that takes us into the vivid imagination of a young girl whose dream world provides the ultimate escape from her darker reality. She has been locked away against her will, but Babydoll (Emily Browning) has not lost her will to survive. Determined to fight for her freedom, she urges four other young girls — the outspoken Rocket (Jena Malone), the street-smart Blondie (Vanessa Hudgens), the fiercely loyal Amber (Jamie Chung) and the reluctant Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish) — to band together and try to escape their terrible fate at the hands of their captors, Blue (Oscar Isaac), Madam Gorski (Carla Gugino) and the High Roller (Jon Hamm).
Led by Babydoll, the girls engage in fantastical warfare against everything from samurais to serpents, with a virtual arsenal at their disposal. Together, they must decide what they are willing to sacrifice in order to stay alive.
Which one's water and which one's the elephant?
While Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon argue amongst themselves, here's a little about the plot: it involves two people who "come together through their compassion for a special elephant". It's set in a circus, before you get any ideas. Perverts.
Jacob is apparently a veterinary student, not that you see him do any veterinarianing. And Marlena? Well, she's a performer in a circus. Which basically involves her doing stuff with elephants in front of a paying audience. Perverts.
It's easy to mock their love, especially when the statistical majority of human-elephant relationships end in crushing disappointment. But against all the odds (that's a direct quote from the official synopsis), they find life-long love. That is, until Christoph Waltz - Marlena's dangerous husband - tries to kill Robert Pattinson with a hammer. That particular highlight is at 1 min 19 seconds.
Water for Elephants is out on Friday 22nd April. Read on to see the whole trailer.
Director: Michel Gondry
Cast: Seth Rogen, Jay Chou, Christoph Waltz, Cameron Diaz, Tom Wilkinson
Release Date: Friday 14th January
Britt Reid (Seth Rogen) is a rich, spoiled playboy. When his father (Tom Wilkinson) dies, Britt inherits a newspaper empire, along with resourceful company employee, Kato (Jay Chou). Like a small human Swiss Army knife, Kato builds the ultimate weapon, The Black Beauty, an indestructible car with every weapon imaginable. and Britt decides that in order to be heroes, they will pose as villains and take down the city's chief criminal, Chudnofsky (Christoph Waltz).