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| 25 film titles more boring than Arbitrage |  |
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| Written by Ivan Radford |
| Tuesday, 26 February 2013 07:30 |
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This Friday, a film called Arbitrage is released in the UK. No, wait. Don't stop reading because of the word arbitrage. Here, have a handy quote from Wikipedia to explain what it means: In economics and finance, arbitrage is the practice of taking advantage of a price difference between two or more marzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Yeah, there's no getting round it. Nicholas Jarecki's thriller - boasting a fantastic performance from Richard Gere and Brit Marling - is great at dealing in shades of grey, moral ambiguity and the ever-turning wheels of power in America, but when it comes to the title, it's duller than organic dishwater sold in the rice cakes aisle of Waitrose. (It's even less exciting than the name of Futurama's fictional nominee at the 1074th Academy Awards, "How Beige Was My Jacket".) But don't write the film off just because of one word: underneath that horribly abstract, uninspiring noun is a genuinely interesting, if flawed, movie. (Don't believe me? Read my full Arbitrage review from the Glasgow Film Festival). Besides, there are loads of films with more boring titles than Arbitrage. To prove it, here are 25 of them:
Traffic
What it sounds like A journey home on the M25. Possible tagline Cars. Will. Queue.
Trainspotting
What it sounds like A guy standing at a railway station with a notepad. Possible tagline In a world full of trains, only one man could spot them...
Waiting…
What it sounds like A crap rip-off of Waiting for Godot Possible tagline 90 minutes and counting...
Triangle
What it sounds like An educational video for Key Stage 3 maths Possible tagline Circles are for pussies.
The Happening
What it sounds like A bad film. Possible tagline Things. Will. Happen.
Jumper
What it sounds like A documentary about chunky knitwear. Possible tagline Roll neck or turtle neck?
Knowing
What it sounds like A self-help video by that guy from Donnie Darko. Possible tagline I'M NOT AFRAID ANY MORE!
Exam
What it sounds like 90 minutes of silence in a secondary school gym. Possible tagline No calculators allowed.
Signs
What it sounds like A documentary about road signs. Possible tagline Speed limits are just the beginning...
Somewhere
What it sounds like A film about a man trying to find out where he is. (Spoiler: He never does.) Possible tagline Somehow.
Dave
What it sounds like Two hours of people talking about UK Gold's popular TV channel.
Possible tagline UK Gold: The Movie.
The Postman
What it sounds like A serious movie adaptation of the kids book, The Jolly Postman. Possible tagline He left a note because you weren't in.
The Shipping News
What it sounds like The shipping news. Possible tagline Visibility good becoming very poor.
Changing Lanes
What it sounds like An instructional video on the correct driving etiquette for UK motorways. Possible tagline Because road safety is important.
Michael Clayton
What it sounds like A BBC Four profile of the most boring man to have ever walked this planet. Possible tagline Best. Insurance. Salesman. Ever.
Conversations with My Gardener
What it sounds like A series of conversations with someone's gardener. Possible tagline The geraniums are pretty this morning.
The Constant Gardener
What it sounds like The tragic story of a man who can't stop gardening. Possible tagline Put. The. Shears. Down.
Claire's Knee
What it sounds like An instructional video for trainee doctors. Possible tagline The popular sequel to Claire's Elbow.
My Left Foot
What it sounds like Another instructional video for trainee doctors. Possible tagline It's not his right foot.
Riding The Bus with My Sister
What it sounds like Someone's YouTube diary, shot with an iPhone. Possible tagline The train was full.
Diminished Capacity
He used to have full capacity - until something changed...
A Good Year
Nothing ever went wrong for Max... No, really. Ever.
Everybody's Fine
The end.
Ordinary People
What it sounds like The worst X-Men rival ever made. Possible tagline The true story of people who never did anything interesting ever.
The Shop Around the Corner
Possible tagline There's no need to take the bus!
So what have we learned? If you're naming your film, avoid body parts, abstract nouns, or anything to do with road-based transportation. And whatever you do, don't mention gardening.
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