Pick up your phone and Dial N for Nom, because it's National Cupcake Week in the UK (until tomorrow) and it coincides brilliantly with the BFI's Genius of Hitchcock season. And so we continue our series of movie-inspired cupcakes with my most ambitious idea yet: Alfred Hitchcock cupcakes. Hitchcakes.

From Vertigo to The Lodger, I crammed as many Hitchcock references on top of tiny cakes as is humanly possible. Read on for the usual pictures, recipes and instructions to make your own Hitchcakes.

Ingredients

100g Butter

100g Self-raising flour

100g Sugar

2 Eggs

Vanilla essence

1/2 tsp baking powder 

Mix all the ingredients together, stick them in an oven (180ºC) for around 15 minutes (until golden and springy to the touch), leave them to cool, and then try some of the below...

Alfred Hitchcock: The Cupcake

There's nothing more instantly recognisable in film history than Alfred Hitchcock's profile. He's the McDonald's of cinema. So it's only right that you start your Hitchcake collection with an edible version of his face.

Practise drawing it on a piece of paper a few times before moving on to blue icing. Then roll out some white icing, cut out some tops (you'll need several for later), and squirt it on the finished product. It should look something like...

Vertigo Cupcake

The second most famous image associated with Hitchcock is surely the poster for Vertigo. Conceived by the brilliant Saul Bass, it's an iconic piece of design - so it's only natural that we ruin it completely in cake form.

Grab some more white icing and try to recreate Saul's Spirograph scribbles, then go all Mad Men and cut out a black icing man to fall in the middle. Hopefully, yours will turn out more impressive than this:

Strangers on a Train Cupcake

Vertigo may the greatest film of all time, according to Sight and Sound, but everyone knows that Strangers on Train is a better film. Sadly, I've learned the hard way that my 3D icing trains are terrible, so let's try something a little simpler.

First off, you'll need some brown icing, which can be a right pain in the bum. Instead of spending ages mixing together red, green and yellow colouring, rub some cocoa powder into the icing, then cut it into strips and stick it together with some grey. Et voila! A wonky railway line, highly symbolic of man's corruptible morals, twisting, unpredictable story lines and poor quality baking.

North by Northwest Cupcake

From trains to planes. Now these are far easier to do full-sized: roll out some black turds (using icing, I hasten to add) and flatten two of them. Then grab some marzipan - a baker's best friend, I was once told by a baker with no friends - and stick the whole thing together with wheels, struts and propeller.

What every child wants: edible Airfix. Now we just need what every adult woman wants: an edible Cary Grant.

Dial M for Murder Cupcake

Dial M for Murder is a film that was always destined to become a cupcake. Whether you go for the key or the telephone, MacGuffins have never been more edible. All you need (along with some red icing circles) is a blob of black icing and a grey icing receiver, stuck together with a white disc, and you have something instantly identifiable - especially if you draw an "M" on the front. 

That's M for "mmm", obviously. (Bonus points for making Rope in 3D.)

Rope Cupcake

You've got to love Rope. Especially when it's edible. And thanks to marzipan - told you it was useful - it is! Just roll some into a ropey shape and indent it with a knife to add that ropey texture. 

If yours looks better than this, let me know so I can come and find you, kill you and hide your body in a box in my living room.

Spellbound Cupcake

Spellbound is most famous for its surreal dream sequence. Full of eyes, eyes and more eyes, it reeks of Salvador Dali's touch. Have your own eerie moment in the kitchen by cutting out some white eyeballs and black puils and sticking them on top of some red icing in a random order.

And, in true Dali/Hitchcock tradition, make you sure use scissors.

Champagne / Notorious Cupcake

Notorious is another film with an easily edible MacGuffin: a bottle of champagne. If you want to really impress your silent film friends, claim it's a nod to 1928's Champagne as well. Green icing is your friend here, complete with a thin white label and a cork made out of - yes - marzipan. Blue frosting offers a nice contrast, unless all this Hitchcock cupcake baking has made you feel particularly murderous, in which case go for red again. And call a doctor to discuss your bloodthirsty cravings.

(Tip: If your kitchen is anything like mine in the summer, chill the bottle in the fridge straight away to stop it melting. Just like normal champagne. Sort of.)

The Lodger Cupcake

When it comes to Hitch's silent films, you can't beat The Lodger (except for with Blackmail). Luckily, that one's easy peasy in cake form. A black circle top and a white square later and you're scribbling your own "Room To Let" sign to stick in a window.

The good news? Now you have something to feed Ivor Novello when he turns up on your doorstep.

Rear Window Cupcake

Now we've started on windows, it's impossible not to take the next step: a Rear Window cupcake. 3D cameras and binoculars are an option, but here's something simpler: cut out a black window frame and then grab some of that blue frosting from earlier and squirt out a nice pair of billowing curtains.

Make these near a window and you can bet your nosy neighbours will come running.

The Birds Cupcake

Like Tippi Hedren, I've never been good with birds. Mine always turn out like planes. So if you're fine at making feathery friends, go for the full 3D whack, but if you're more like me, a simple cut-out job will suffice.

Just don't do what I did and forget to make more than one. It is called The Birds - plural - after all.

Psycho Cupcake

We're in proper classic Hitchcock territory here. How best to capture the raw terror and shock of Psycho's legendary shower scene? My ambitious attempt at a shower head with blue water coming out of it broke in half, so here's something even more elegant: a plughole.

Roll out two circles of black and grey icing and overlap them to get the drain's gaping effect, then dribble some red icing into the middle. The colour may have been too much for cinema audiences at the time but hey, it's the 21st Century. Plus red icing is FUN.

Knife Cupcake (Blackmail / Sabotage / The Man Who Knew Too Much / North by Northwest / Psycho / Torn Curtain / etc)

How to top the plug from Psycho's shower scene? Something even more elemental to all of Hitchcock films: a knife.

This one's quick, easy and really effective - I saved the best for last. A fingertip of black and grey icing gives you the blade and handle - one flat, the other with a slight flick - and to finish? One teaspoon of blood (sorry, red icing) splattered all over the top. Lip-smackingly lethal.

Churn out them out at an obscenely fast rate with an obsessive level of control over the kitchen and ta da! A genuine set of Hitchcock cupcakes.

What now? Well, do what he would do, take them into the bedroom, lock the door, and throw them at an unsuspecting blonde woman for three hours. Or just eat them all yourself and get your own distinctive portly figure.

Needless to say, they make a perfect - and quiet - cinema snack to take to one of the BFI's Genius of Hitchcock screenings. The season runs at the National Film Theatre on London's South Bank until October.

For more movie cupcakes - including James Bond cupcakes - head this way.