Director: Rupert Sanders
Cast: Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, Charlize Theron
Once there was a woman who pricked her finger on a rose in winter and thought: "I wish I had a child as white as this snow with lips as red as blood." Five seconds later, a baby was born - because that's how motherhood works, according to Snow White and the Huntsman, which begins with a prologue as baffling as the rest of its 126 mind-boggling minutes.
Based on the original Brothers Grimm story, Rupert Sander’s twisted tale isn’t afraid of a little blood or carnage. In fact, it likes it so much that it hacks the story to bits, chopping and changing its plot every few minutes.
Those who know me will be well aware that I'm not the hugest fan of film screenings held in tenuously-linked locations. Special screenings are great, but until someone shows Cliffhanger while audiences hang off the side of a cliff, or arranges a broadcast of How to Train Your Dragon while audiences fly on the back of a dragon, I'm not that convinced location-themed events are worth the expensive ticket price.
But an email dropped in my inbox yesterday and it might be one of be the best screening events I've seen in a while. Why? Because it involves boats.
Yes, there is a screening on the Isle of Wight (a place surrounded by water, fact fans) on Friday 12th August claiming to be "the world's first Sail-In cinema". Quite simply, you grab a boat, sail in, and watch a film at 7pm on a giant screen erected on the esplanade at Cowes. That's moderately cool in itself, but there are three simple reasons why this "Sail-In Cinema" is worth your time:
1. They're not showing Pirates of the Caribbean 2 or 3. They're showing Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, a much better boat-themed film.
2. It's sponsored by Talisker single malt whisky. Whisky on a boat? What could possibly go wrong?
3. It's free. None of that £40 per ticket malarkey. This is more like a bit of outdoor community cinema.
To be allowed in, you have to be over 18 - and presumably own your own boat. Hopefully they'll sort you out with some whisky once you're there. So that leaves one obstacle: getting to the Isle of Wight. But if you're the kind of rich person who already owns a boat anyway, then transport won't really be an issue.
I sadly don't own a boat and won't be in attendance but if you can make it (head this way for the Talisker's Sail-In Cinema Facebook page), let me know how much fun you had - and maybe Talisker will give me some free whisky for sending you their way. Or a free boat. Whatever. I'm not picky.
With X-Men: First Class fast approaching, fanboys across the internet are drooling like crazy. Mostly over January Jones' breasts.
It's no surprise compared to the quality of breasts on show in X-Men 3: The Last Stand. But before people start saying Matthew Vaughn's prequel is as good as Bryan Singer's first two X-Men movies, it's probably worth taking eight hours of your life to re-watch them all to get a sense of perspective.
But what if you don't have the highly-evolved stamina to make it through Brett Ratner's ballsed-up sequel? Well, this X-Men marathon live blog should sort you out.
Four X-Men movies, one evening, no special powers. This is the X-Menathon. Mag-neato!
With Conviction coming to cinemas this week (and The Next Three Days already released), it seems only right to celebrate Sam Rockwell's release from jail with a brand new clip and this guide to getting out of movie prison:
Conviction is out in cinemas on Friday 14th January. Head this way to check out the trailer and the new clip, titled "You Think I Haven't Thought of That?"
Director: Paul Haggis
Cast: Russell Crowe, Elizabeth Banks, Liam Neeson
"I'm Russell Crowe's Wife, Get Me Out of Prison!" doesn't sound like a film with much credibility. Indeed, Paul Haggis’ remake of French thriller Pour Elle occasionally lacks it in the script department, but The Next Three Days is surprisingly believable. If you can accept Russell Crowe as an English teacher.
What with the seasonal cheer and family planning, it's perfect timing for the new poster for I'm Russell Crowe's Wife Get Me Out of Prison! When else would people want to be reminded of the evils of jail, or the perils of jailbreaking?
From Paul "Crash" Haggis, this remake of the French thriller Pour Elle sees bumbling nice man John Brennan go all macho in his attempt to spring his wife from behind bars. Taking the advice of ex-con Liam Neeson and asking the friendly man at the local gun shop where to put the bullets, Brennan seems ill-equipped for the task.
But he has one secret weapon: powerful Death Ray lasers that come out the side of his brain. Or at least, that's what the poster looks like. Read on to check it out, or head over here to see The Next Three Days trailer. It busts into cinemas on Wednesday 5th January.
We all remember the day when Russell Crowe flipped and decided to break his wife out of prison. We also all remember the day that Paul Haggis gave him a movie in which he could use that experience. Now, prepare for a new day to remember: the day when the poster for that film, The Next Three Days, appeared online.
The remake of Pour Elle, which stars Crowe and Liam Neeson alongside the incarcerated Elizabeth Banks, sees mild-mannered husband John Brennan take drastic measures to free his wife (convicted for a crime she didn't commit) after all the boring legal options fail. It's a serious movie about a serious man. Who doesn't know where to put the bullets in a gun. Bless him.
Now we have a first look at the marketing for this thriller. And it's, well, odd. Staying away from the usual head shots and big red letters, the patchwork picture looks closer to an investigations board out of CSI. Verbal Kint would love it. I rather like it too.
The Next Three Days hits UK cinemas in February 2011. You can check out the trailer online over here, but before that you should read on for the full poster. A prize* goes to the first person to say "OMG - is that Russell Crowe's face?"
"Show me where the bullets go!"
That's Russell Crowe in Paul Haggis' latest film. But don't worry, The Next Three Days isn't a comedy - Haggis switching tack from Crash and In the Valley of Elah would be way too weird. Instead we get a thriller, about a husband breaking his wife out of prison.
John Brennan (Crowe) has a lovely life with his wife and kid, until she gets banged up for a crime she didn't commit. So he takes action. Lots of solid, boring, legal action. But after three years he's had enough, so he decides to break in and get her out.
Adapted from the the French movie Pour Elle, Crowe stars with Elizabeth Banks as his incarcerated spouse, and Liam Neeson as a dodgy criminal type. Except lots of serious faces throughout, but hopefully a decent amount of excitement.
The Next Three Days trailer is online over at Yahoo! Movies. Read on to see the full video.
Director: Ridley Scott
Cast: Russell Crowe, Cate Blanchett
Release Date: Friday 14th May
In 13th century England, Robin (Russell Crowe) and his band of marauders confront corruption in a local village and lead an uprising against the crown that will forever alter the balance of world power. Robin is an expert archer, previously interested only in self-preservation, from his service in King Richard's army against the French.
Upon Richard’s death, Robin travels to Nottingham, a town suffering from the corruption of a despotic sheriff and crippling taxation, where he falls for the spirited widow Lady Marion (Cate Blanchett), a woman skeptical of the identity and motivations of this crusader from the forest.Hoping to earn the hand of Maid Marion and salvage the village, Robin assembles a gang whose lethal mercenary skills are matched only by its appetite for life. Together, they begin preying on the indulgent upper class to correct injustices under the sheriff.
Thanks to ComingSoon.net, we can all enjoy a glimpse of Ridley Scott's upcoming Robin Hood movie. Remember? The one we all heard about a while ago? With Russell Crowe? Well, now we've seen more of it, I can confirm that if it does tell you the truth behind the legend, it does it with a lot of slow-mo. And Very Loud Music.
I know this is hardly high-quality teaser stuff, but it's all a bit Zack Snyder. With a large side portion of Gladiator. Mark Strong looks suitably villainish, and I'm sure Cate Blanchett will be great, but really? Is this Robin Hood? It looks like a companion to Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes. It's got all the grit and "historical accuracy" but none of the humour or fun; "Rise and rise again, until lambs become lions". Hardly Bryan Adams, is it? Give me Kevin Costner any day. Or at least Alan Rickman.
Robin Hood hits our cinemas in May next year with full-on, sword-swinging slow-motion action. But hey, at least it has Matthew MacFayden in it. For pictures, head over to Australia's Courier Mail, or read on for the full video.