Whoa. That's my official reaction to the Cloud Atlas trailer that has appeared online. All five epic, dazzling, bewildering, stonking, Ben Whishaw-filled minutes of it.

"My dear Sixsmith, I am in desperate need of your help I got hooked on a journal written in 1849 by a dying lawyer..." writes Whishaw, pained at the thought of having a taste of story and not getting the finished thing. And Cloud Atlas has managed exactly the same thing. It's gone from yet another adaptation of a grandly-titled book to an absolute must-see.

Is it the staggering scope of David Mitchell's original novel, which sees stories collide across a thousand odd years? The fact that Ben Whishaw, Jim Broadbent, Hugh Grant and Susan Sarandon are in it?

Is it because Hugo Weaving (presumably thinking that he's in a sequel to The Lorax)'s sideburns have taken over his face like a gigantic, hairy tumor?

Or is it because when you combine Perfume's Tom Tykwer and The Matrix's Wachowskis, you're almost guaranteed to get something special?

Who cares? Read on for the Cloud Atlas trailer. And cross your fingers that it doesn't turn out to be the next The Fountain.

Director: Peter Lord, Jeff Newitt
Cast: Hugh Grant, Brendan Gleeson, Martin Freeman, Brian Blessed, Lenny Henry, Imelda Staunton, David Tennant, Salma Hayek, Jeremy Piven
Certificate: U
Trailer

Carving their own plasticine niche in the creature feature genre and the prison break, the talented team at Aardman lend their pliability to the popular pirate genre for their latest assault on the box office. The tale follows wannabe swashbuckler Pirate Captain (Grant) and his loveable misfit crew of stereotypical pirates/British actors - and a particularly big-boned parrot.

Together, they sail the Seven Seas in search of fame and fortune, battling the formidable pirate-hating monarch Queen Victoria (Staunton) and allying with luckless young scientist Charles Darwin (Tennant), hoping to finally win their captain the coveted Pirate of the Year award. 

It's Valentine's Day yet again and while all the sensible people are ignoring the commercialised excuse for a novelty card sale, thousands of people will be getting out their Kate Hudson/Hugh Grant/Tom Hanks/Judd Apatow DVDs and dreaming of finding the right person for them.

It's all harmless fun, if you ignore that survey from 2010 that showed that 50 per cent of people said that romantic comedies "ruined their view of an ideal relationship". So in keeping with that spirit, rather than show you the end credits of Blue Valentine, here's a handy rom-com-inspired guide to locating Mr and/or Mrs Right (aka. Hugh Grant).

Covering everything from realistic dating tips to taking the moral high ground, here's How to Find Your Perfect Partner:

For more infographic goodness, see our other How to Guides, including How to Get Married, How to Stop the End of the World and How to Survive an Alien Invasion.

A tale of pirates, ham, beards and Queen Victoria, Aardman's supremely daft adaptation of Gideon Defoe's The Pirates! in an Adventure with Scientists continues to look funnier by the minute. Especially the part where The Pirate Captain's biscuit falls in his tea.

The Pirates! in an Adventure with Scientists is out in UK cinemas in March next year. The only way it could look better? If we had another one of Aardman's Pirates! trailer song to singalong with.

With Jane Eyre out in cinemas this week, it's only natural that I root through the stack of VHS tapes in my attic and pull out Sense and Sensibility to watch.

"Oh, but those films are nothing alike!" you exclaim like a foolish buffoon. You'd probably be right. Jane Eyre's a gothic drama written in 1847. It's all moody, dark and mysterious. Sense and Sensibility is a light-hearted take on the titular two feminine emotions from 1811. It's happy, colourful and neatly tied up by social conventions.

But if you hush up and go back to your needlepoint like a good little girl, you'll realise out that these two costume dramas have one massive thing in common:

Aardman's The Pirates! trailer be sailing the online seas today, but as well as the genius video, there be a poster too. Arr, be readying yourself for... The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists:

Directed by Peter Lord, it looks set to be a completely barmy bit of animation. The plot involves the enthusiastic Pirate Captain and his crew trying to win the Pirate of the Year Award. Or, to quote the amazingly catchy song in the trailer (to the tune of What Shall We Do with the Drunken Sailor?): "There's a fish in a hat, and the last dodo, ripping, roaring and a 'Yo-ho!', Charles Darwin and his monkey Bobo, and the Pirate Captain!"

Positively mental.

The cast sees Martin Freeman, Brendan Gleeson, Russell Tovey, Salma Hayek and Jeremy Piven joining the pirate ranks, with Imelda Staunton as Queen Victoria and David Tennant as Darwin. And the Pirate Captain himself? Yarr, he be played by none other than salty sea dog Hugh Grant. And you thought he could only do this:

Read on to be seeing the trailer.

"Mawwage is what bwings us together today. Wove, twue wove..."

Yes, there's a Royal Wedding on, but this is really just an excuse for me to watch Peter Cook in The Princess Bride again.

The movies can teach us a lot about mawwage. Here are the key points summed up in a pretty infographic. Because I'd rather spend two hours going through and screencapping Love Actually than watch Will and Kate tie the knot.

Previous pieces of infographic fun (including Christian Bale Punching People) can be found over here.