Director: Andrew Stanton
Cast: Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Mark Strong, Dominic West
“You think you know Mars… BUT YOU DO NOT KNOW MARS.” A booming voiceover begins Disney’s epic sci-fi romance. It’s ridiculous. It’s laughable. It sounds incredibly stupid. But from that daft opening narration, Andrew Stanton’s John Carter is properly charming stuff.
The tale of a confederate US soldier who travels through space, battles green men with shiny blue weapons and falls in love with a princess? It’s the kind of nonsense that could only be written by a barmy warlock in the early 20th Century. And it’s all the better for it. Edgar Rice Burroughs' story may be packed with state of the art mo-cap, but Disney’s latest is as dated as Clash of the Titans, as cheesy as Flash Gordon and as crazy as H.P. Lovecraft. In short, it’s what all old-school fantasy adventures should be: wonderfully bonkers.