With Aardman's The Pirates! setting sail on the stop-motion seas this week (here's our review), all the cool kids want to cover themselves in plasticine and hop on a boat.

But what do you do once you're smeared in silly putty and stranded at sea? If only there were some kind of guidelines, or code, for pirate etiquette.

Well, now there is. Here's our movie guide to being a pirate: